ZiNgA BuRgA Wrote:If it doesn't actually add anything, or help with the mood of the story, then you're correct - better off using standard spelling.

No, it wasn't dialogue or anything, it was just a descriptive sentence I guess.

On another note, I've been getting some help with a couple of sentences in this chapter from some professionals over at dash-hacks, making this chapter far superior than the rest of my old work. Now I have to go back and find all my careless mistakes, and that's going to take forever.

tl;dr: My book has way too many grammatical/sentence structure errors, so I need to go back and fix everything.

The good news: this chapter may just blow your goddamn mind, it's certainly blown mine already and it's only halfway done (maybe).

The internetz can be dangerous.

I remember when texting first started getting REALLY big, and a couple years later, when I was in one of my high school classes, the teacher was talking about how much she hated all IM services and texting because she sees its effects in essays she's handed all the time. She'll see people accidentally say "u" instead of "you" or they'll forget to use an apostrophe or something else obvious. Just be careful, because I can see things like the iPhone making it even worse with autocorrect correcting everything from apostrophes to horribly misspelled words, and the typist would never even notice it because when they read back over it, everything looks like proper English. It can definitely lead to some bad habits IMO.

Regardless, that's why you should read your book to make sure nothing is glaringly obvious. I remember this one book, Starcraft: Nova, which was already meant to just be for the fans, but it turned out to be soooo bad. There were misspellings and bad punctuation strewn about, almost as if it was done deliberately out of a personal grudge this personal had for me. The sentence construction was atrocious, the logic was gratuitously flawed, and the manner in which the writer expressed his thoughts, in order to engage the reader, reminded me of when I used to write short stories in 7th and 8th grade.  

Sorry, I got lost in my rant for a moment. I do not let go of prolonged bad experiences such as that easily. I have a feeling you'll do just fine for an amateur (not an insult).  As you get more into the groove of it again, you will most likely start expressing yourself in a fluid and clear manner.  I'd love to read the chapter when you've finished it though :)

Hellgiver Wrote:The internetz can be dangerous.

I remember when texting first started getting REALLY big, and a couple years later, when I was in one of my high school classes, the teacher was talking about how much she hated all IM services and texting because she sees its effects in essays she's handed all the time. She'll see people accidentally say "u" instead of "you" or they'll forget to use an apostrophe or something else obvious. Just be careful, because I can see things like the iPhone making it even worse with autocorrect correcting everything from apostrophes to horribly misspelled words, and the typist would never even notice it because when they read back over it, everything looks like proper English. It can definitely lead to some bad habits IMO.

Regardless, that's why you should read your book to make sure nothing is glaringly obvious. I remember this one book, Starcraft: Nova, which was already meant to just be for the fans, but it turned out to be soooo bad. There were misspellings and bad punctuation strewn about, almost as if it was done deliberately out of a personal grudge this personal had for me. The sentence construction was atrocious, the logic was gratuitously flawed, and the manner in which the writer expressed his thoughts, in order to engage the reader, reminded me of when I used to write short stories in 7th and 8th grade.  

Sorry, I got lost in for a moment. I do not let go of prolonged bad experiences such as that easily. I have a feeling you'll do just fine for an amateur (not an insult).  As you get more into the groove of it again, you will most likely start expressing yourself in a fluid and clear manner.  I'd love to the chapter when you've finished it though :)

Well I'm not an avid texter (I don't even have a cell) so I don't think I have to worry about anything like that. As for obvious mistakes, I doubt there are any in this book, I've re-read it and edited it probably six times by now, but a few days ago I decided that the book wasn't finished.

If I stay up late tonight I should be able to finish the chapter, depending on how long I want to make it. As of right now it's only three pages.

Hellgiver Wrote:I'd love to the chapter when you've finished it though :)

just like to point out the punctuation error (sorry)

That wasn't a punctuation error. I omitted a word. However, if you want to nitpick, then yes, I did not end with a period.  Also, I often omit words. That's my curse :(  I did exactly that, in fact, in one of my emails to my professor. After I reread my sent email (because I'm above proofreading), I realized how stupid I sounded as a result. Bah, if I can just learn to reread what I've typed instead of immediately posting, I think I'll at least appear to take more pride in my posts and the like, but I do well enough in conveying my meaning most of the time, IMO.

trademark91 Wrote:

Hellgiver Wrote:I'd love to the chapter when you've finished it though :)

just like to point out the punctuation error (sorry)

haha I saw it too, knew this was coming.

also:

Hellgiver Wrote:Sorry, I got lost in for a moment.

Is that a typo too? What did you get lost in?

Bah, I'm being attacked! "Lost in the moment" is what I meant to say. That's it, I'm never using the internet again!  Usually when I omit a word it is because I was retyping that sentence in multiple ways in order to find the one that best suits the feeling I'm trying to convey.  And I end up screwing it up anyways. For instance: in that case, I started with "I was ranting a bit there for a moment." That sounded dumb. So I changed it to "Sorry, was lost in thought for a moment." Then, figured that was also idiotic, because that would insinuate a lack of thought in the rest of the post (which is not that far from the truth, but I'll keep that a secret).  Finally I settled on "Sorry, I got lost in the moment," though I think I was still considering changing it again, but decided I spent enough time on it, and ended up with a horribly slaughtered sentence XD

Hellgiver Wrote:Bah, I'm being attacked! "Lost in the moment" is what I meant to say. That's it, I'm never using the internet again!  Usually when I omit a word it is because I was retyping that sentence in multiple ways in order to find the one that best suits the feeling I'm trying to convey.  And I end up screwing it up anyways. For instance: in that case, I started with "I was ranting a bit there for a moment." That sounded dumb. So I changed it to "Sorry, was lost in thought for a moment." Then, figured that was also idiotic, because that would insinuate a lack of thought in the rest of the post (which is not that far from the truth, but I'll keep that a secret).  Finally I settled on "Sorry, I got lost in the moment," though I think I was still considering changing it again, but decided I spent enough time on it, and ended up with a horribly slaughtered sentence XD

haha don't worry dude were just giving you spoon. Anyways, I cut the chapter short because I'm going to sleep now, it's 3 and half pages in MS Word. And here it is:

Why am I awake? He thought to himself, and slowly he opened his eyes, the rays from the early-morning sun streaming in through the window to his left. He stretched his arms and lazily let them fall back down onto the bed as he usually did each morning, but this time something was different. He was stretched out in the middle of his bed, but his wife wasn’t there next to him as she should have been.
“What?” he suddenly asked aloud, more a groan than anything, and sprang up in bed. Looking around he knew his wife was nowhere in the room for the door to the bathroom was open, the lights inside turned off, and the door that led out to the hallway was closed and locked. His heart lurching in his chest, he quickly turned to look at the window across the room to his left again, and as he did it seemed as if everything in the room had lost all color, and he was seeing the world in pictures of stop-motion. But the window was closed and locked, unbroken, and his wife was surely safe. He sighed, thinking nothing of it, and pulled the sheets off of him, the color and normality of the room restored with his belief that nothing was wrong.
Alexander Descombs slowly got out of bed, shrugged into a robe and into a pair of slippers to keep his bare feet off of the cold floor, and then shuffled over and unlocked the door to his room. It creaked eerily as he opened it, and beyond was a short hallway that led to a set of stairs on the left, winding down to the ground floor; a guest bedroom and bathroom lay quietly to the right. All was still and quiet, and carefully he padded down the hallway, glancing into the spare bathroom and bedroom, but no one was to be found. “Hello?” he called out nervously, and of course there was no answer.
Losing all patience he stumbled down the stairs, almost missing a step and falling halfway down, and when he got to the bottom and entered the family room it was quite empty. Just as you knew it would be, he thought, although it wasn’t his own voice in his head. It sounded foreign and queer, neither male nor female, and one he’d never heard before. Who are you? He thought back, but there was no answer. Before he could so much as wait for a reply, he almost gasped loud enough to choke himself.
He was now back in his bed, laying on his back, and the ceiling above him was missing, the open sky above shining down on him. He was so shocked that he couldn’t move, and could only muster enough energy to stare in disbelief at the clouds that lazed by overhead. The puffy white cumulus's seemed so carefree and ignorant of the world's woes as they leisurely passed overhead, and yet to Alexander it felt as if they were raining death down upon him. The longer he stared the more anxious he became—his skin began to grow taut and brittle as paper, his bones moving loosely underneath, and his vision began to blur just as all the sound in the world began to dissipate.. Feeling sickeningly ill he finally managed to sit up in bed once more and found the room empty, but when he looked out the window to his left it was dark outside. Frightened, he returned his gaze to the sky above his roofless room but strangely the ceiling had gone back to its former position. I am having a nightmare, he finally decided, and he swung his legs over the side of the bed, once again going for his slippers.
But when he made to step on the cold hardwood floor there was nothing there but pure air, and he fell through the wood as if it was no more than spider webs. As he passed them by they whispered to him in quick, frantic and tiny voices, but just as soon as he heard what was said he had forgotten it, his attention drawn to the next of the millions of voices. He began to shout, terrified of what was happening to him and why, but he couldn’t make sense of anything. Everything seemed backwards, and when he looked up he was looking down upon the world, watching as people went about their daily lives, gaped in horror as innocent people were murdered by the evil men and women of the world, stared in awe as he intruded on lovers making love, their naked bodies exposed for all to see; however, if he looked down he was looking at his own corpse. It was as if he were an entirely different person, so he had no choice but to watch as an androgynous stranger cradled Alexander’s body in its arms, a red aura—comprised of the darkest, vilest evil he had ever seen or felt—surrounding  the creature.
Swallowing what was left of his courage, which was by now running low on fuel, Alexander returned his gaze downwards. He was expecting to see the sexual acts and the murders once again, but this time he came across the last thing he had ever expected to find in this place; his son. He watched Bradley intently, wanting to call out to him, wanting to go to him and embrace him and never let go, but he couldn’t move; not up or down, not left or right, and wee he tried to speak, the tiny, squealing voices of the spider webs emanated from his mouth. He just kept falling, down and down and down and down, going nowhere and everywhere all at once.
His view was never impeded though, so he could look upon his son’s face as long as he so wished, so he did just that. I only wish I could hear his voice, Alexander thought, realizing that he was now entirely deaf. Almost as soon as that realization came, his vision darkened and he grew furious. His eyes remained strong enough to view with, so he watched as his son entered a building, a restaurant, and sat down at a table with his wife and an unfamiliar man.
The three began to talk amongst themselves, ordering food and drink when the waitress came over to them, and although Alexander could not hear their words, he could almost make out what they were saying by reading their lips. After staring at his son for what seemed to be a millennium, his eyes found Lilibeth. She sat next to Bradley, staring at the man across from them with eyes wide as plates, whether in disbelief or horror, he could not tell. Something peculiar began to happen as Alexander watched the woman, for as he squinted at her she began to change color—a bluish hue that began to engulf and surround her body—and then Alexander realized that both men at the table were beginning to turn blue too. After a few minutes the transformation changed, and Bradley was declared the winner of life, for his blue aura was the brightest, purest blue that anyone had ever seen.
“My son,” Alexander said, his tears pouring down his face, astonishing himself with his newly found voice. Suddenly the wind exploded against his face, making his mouth spread into a smile, and he could feel something rush up beneath him to meet his feet.
He landed back in his room, took one look at his wife who lay dead on their bed, and crumpled onto the floor, unconscious.

THAT WAS EPIC!!!!