Mitch Hedberg Jokes

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the fudgeer gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the fudgeer gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it!"

I was in a casino, I was standing by the door, and a security guard came over and said "You're gonna have to move. You're blocking the fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you are a table.

Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying "Here, you throw this away."

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too

I like to wave at people I don't know. It's dangerous to wave to someone you don't know cause what if they don't have a hand? They think you're cocky. "Look what I got motherfudgeer! This thing is useful I'm gonna go pick something up!"

I like the American-Canadian border, 'cause if you're walking on the border with a friend, and you push your friend into Canada, he can't push you back right away, 'cause first he has to go through customs. "What brings you to Canada?":[Points to the side] "That asshole."

Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg

(This post was last modified: 03/11/2007 08:05 PM by MoseZ.)