Nyu~ Wrote:why the fudge do i feel guilty & horrible at the same time

Probably because you cut off all contact with this girl (unbeknownst to her), and now you feel guilty, because you're just finding out she still waited for you all this time.

To be honest, that was kind of cold of you.  You should have at least told her why you wanted to end your relationship, rather than not telling her, and have her wondering what's going on.  Then you probably wouldn't be feeling this guilt now.  You could have saved yourself (and her) a lot of pain.