tetris999 Wrote:THIS IS A HELLUVA LONG POST THAT HAS NOT BEEN CHECKED FOR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. Also, this a personal post about my experiences that I'm willing to share. If you hate me or just think I'm boasting or the sort; you aren't obliged to read it.

Hmmm, i guess mine is from a 1 ~ to a 9 right now, but since everyone is sharing their stories; i might as well too. (=

To boot, i had very bad friends at the start of highschool; drugs, fighting, you name it. I wasn't the most "coolest" of kids so i decided to hang with my friends who had accepted me to be cool. Unfortunately when everyone started getting girlfriends and getting into fights, the rather weak me was cast out, luckily, i have to add.

It left me in a very bad state in school, as i had no friends and absolutely no intelligence to apply, i was trying my hardest and only achieving 52% average and pissing my parents off; which secluded me even further to their slandering and discontempt. Also, because i hung out with bad people their habits had also affected me which was either drugs or such, and i was basically as stated before; an idiot. I hated my life, until i went on the internet and started to talk on random forums about graphics and psp hacking; (so i could get iso's hurr) until i took a liking into graphics and anime.

That's where i spent the remainder of my 3 years, to run home and maybe post a new sig and watch an anime to make myself feel better and at times i really believed i had some future in graphics design or such. I didnt have any friends at all, but i did have all my games and anime, so all the problems in life such as failing never bothered me; still, at times i felt lost, like i was missing something in my life.

I think it was the start of grade 11 that i entered to be secluded once again till i met some girl who was also outcasted out of her group of friends for paying attention to her academics and job. As such, she also didn't have any friends and just came RANDOMLY to my group of nerdy "friends" (i never hung out with them, and i was treated as the idiot most of the time, as mentioned before). I never talked to a girl before and as such, i was shy out of my mind; unfortunately for me the girl just decided to talk to me because absolutely no one else (everyone ignored her and wanted her to get the fudge out) talked to her. Of course, she was looking to someone to talk to and not really a friend, as she liked someone else. In any case, she really had me in awe of how upfront and talkative she was, that she did good in school, and overall (what i thought) she was the nicest person i ever met.

I used to stay after school talking to her for 3 hours, over lunch, and on msn; she was probably the first person i could whine to about things and really just "talk" to. It was until wee had some school outing that, i wanted to ask her out, but lo and behold; some other guy did before me. Not only that, it was one of my own friends who i had told (he was a loner himself and as such i told him i was going to do it just for the hell of it); it totally made me WTFBarbecue. I tried asking her out anyway in anger at the guy, but i was only rejected. It was a little while after that, i heard things from my other friends about how she would talk about how retarded or idiotic i was, and how much i annoyed her.

Basically, she was my catalyst and opening to a more social me; the only thing was that i was, was a detrimental affect on her, something she despised. It's funny, i would still pursue her after that; i told my self that if i did better at school and got decent marks, the maybe i could beat her boyfriend and she would think twice about rejecting me.

Durr, it was so stupid i tell you; i would run for an hour at top speed only to spend a mere 3 minutes with her before she went to french school. I adored her that much, but her character was that she treated everyone with a nice big smile; but infact she could've either cared very dearly for you or hated your guys, it was all the same.

I was confused, i wanted her to tell me she hated me, so i could get on with my life; but she never did. I was so confused, so lost, and at that; i was basically "that nice guy she talked to when she had bf problems."

So my years continued and my hatred for her and her boyfriend fueled my work to do better in school, better in life; i hated myself so much, which was why i worked so hard. I started to work out, get more active and even start prevailing in academics  with 80%> (nothing was ever lower than that + i started to get 90%> on provincially wide exams). My parents would praise me, how they couldn't believe their idiot son is now the best in the family; but as such, i never wanted their praise, i wanted hers. The girl i was running after for 2 years, i was eventually asked out by two other girls (they looked better and were on par with the girl i liked in grades), yet i told them that i was not the person who they saw. I wasn't getting marks or working out because i wanted to be a better person for myself, i was moreso doing it for someone to finally recognize me as "smart," that they could take back their words that burned something so deep into my soul.

For as how perfect as i was, i sought after the same girl who would treat me nice for a tool; i was a mess and i never saw those girls again.

So time passed and the girl i liked obviously broke up with her boyfriend, and as such, since he was in my group, he usually hung out with the friends i made (the girl improved my social and academic ability, so i was making friends now). As such, he was a painful reminder of my past, he would slander and ridicule me infront of my friends on how stupid or idiotic i was; at times i wanted to strangle him infront of all my friends. I don't know why he despised me, and why he was calling me an idiot all the time, it was as if he wanted to beat me in everything i did.

So now, i finished highschool with that jackass and I'm now entering the university of british columbia; which from what i know, is a pretty good place to be in for my place. I work a job that pays 12$ an hour and i already stocked up a good amount of money. It's not like the road ahead will be any better, university itself isn't any joke; but i changed for a better future for myself.

I have a nemisis who keeps showing up to slap the spoon in my face (he's very smart and his cognitive abilities and socializing is far more developed than mine); but really, my work isn't to beat him anymore.

Because you see, i still believe in a fictional girl, one that never really existed; as it pains my heart to accept that. I've lost all my friends, but yet, my desire to understand the world, socialize with others, make friends, were all made from that one fond memory of someone important to me.

I'll probably never meet another girl ever again quite like her, but it just goes to show that if i am some anime fan; odds are i probably live in a dream world the appeals to me and is devoid of "real" life friends anyway

My only words of advice to you all is, really, no matter how bad something gets; work for something and not yourself. Wee all live to belong, whether that is to have a family, have a group of friends or to have SOMETHING. Find that something, refine yourself to what you want to do AND DO IT, wee all need to work for SOMETHING/SOMEONE in our life. I'm not smart, hell, i was that retard in the back of the class that you thought was going to fall and crack his head open because he's drunk/high/stupid all the time. I believe that in all of us, wee ALL have the ability; just not the same goal.

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This explains why I'm less on EP these days and why i have stopped my graphics work all together. Funny note, the friends i had who did weed and such are now in jail O_o (and guess what, that's a cool thing! DURR!). I hope you guys can understand why i hate drugs, drinking and all that "stuff"; it almost fudgeed my life to no return

any holes in my story would be appreciated to be pointed out, if you read through all that drabble; i hope you enjoyed it. Signing off for now EP; i have to get back to work!

(09/08/2010 04:02 PM)theEvilOne Wrote:  All I saw was a bunch of "DURR's."

(09/08/2010 04:29 PM)Shady Wrote:  i read it all.

Where's the girl now?
Dude im not to positive she ever said those mean things about you, and would explain why her ex despised you. Because she was always praising you around him.

I'm glad your doing better and have a decent paying job.
So what are your plans from here on?
Are you doing things for yourself now?

It's...stupid...but i felt at times that i would just run back and apologize because i didn't want to totally lose her forever. BLAH! T_T