And I'm back.
I wonder what that item is, I want it. For reasons totally not to do with the remote chance it contains substances for me to abuse.

Fuck. I can't get high off of this, nor use it.

Who designs roads like this, seriously? So inefficient! So hard to use! Not straight lines!

Ah. Lilycove city. Compared to other towns, it looks like less of a chocolatehole.

I stand corrected. It's a glorified beach. Oh well, time to wander and talk to people/things/myself.


Sounds interesting...

Oh. Now it sounds like a really poor bullchocolate-trap, I ain't having spoon to do with that trench. Hopefully.

Huh. Strange cave, huh? Could be profitable.


Well, I wouldn't download a pokemon, but apparently these people would.

YES

I FUCKING LOVE QUIZZES

YES, LOCK IT IN

FUCK YES I'M SHARP

GIVE ME THE BUXOM BABES AND/OR OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF CASH

GIVE PRIZE NOW

...

If I could find my chocolatelist pen, I would so put you down, bitch. Vengeance will be mine.



Wailmer training? Those pirates? HA!

Well, that's bad. Sailors and ships are the lifeblood of our region, you know. That's 68% of our GDP, right there.
Well. In the light of this potential, thirteen-trillion-dollar national fiasco, I put the hard questions to a nearby pirate.


Clearly, the man is brainwashed and will be of little help. I abandon my hastily acquired quest, and get on with the business of identifying molestables.

Who, me?

Ah, this would be the strange cave I heard about it earlier. But why should I listen to you, pirate?

Oh. Well that sounds totally reasonable.

Complying with the wishes of the pirate, I found this guy while ignoring the big cave in the harbour.


Very deep, I guess.



You must live under an old rock, and not heard that I hate chocolatety puns.
I really need my pen.


Okay, I can't ignore that cave any more. Too tempting. I want all of your fiscally liquidatable items, and I want them now.

Aw, shucks. For a moment there, I was sure he had money. I guess not.

No, I'm deaf and missed the 3 or 4 people who told me about it.




I like this old man. He thinks what I think. To a T. Har.

I depart, to go bother the pirates in their training of deep-sea mammals.


Your money or your life. Preferably the money, I can't sell life.

Fine. But I'll, like, return to fudge your spoon up.

Do ho ho ho. The cave. I'll look into it later, I've no mind to go surfing right now. Mt. Pyre in particular calls for my attention, what with those other pirates going there. This cave'll be here when I get back, I'm sure.


...most honeymooners just see the sights and have a chocolateload of sex in a foreign country... not that I'd know or anything.

Motherf-

I can't best this whore. She's too undeniably cheerful.

That's nice, I guess.

Spoon, SON

Whoa, calm down. I am not psychic. (Staples is, however. Not that he could tell us what the answer is, anyway.)

Uh oh, my spoon pun sense is tingling.

And there it is. So mad.

To piss the owner off, I block his view.

Ha.
Guess who I found?

I stuck my pocky in his ear, just for laughs. It was humorous. I also farted in the direction of his sleeping face.

That's candidate for obvious statement of the year, right there.


Time to admire my trainer card, I haven't done that for a while.

Who's a pretty boy, then?



Retail therapy. Just what I need.

...push through the pain, push through the pain, push through... *deep breath*
Look at this while I calm down.


Not yet, I'm not. Out of my way.

That's great, look at all the people who care. Now, out of my way!


I'll beat the spoon out of your pokemon, now move!

AAAAHAHAHAGH FUCK YOU

I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT I HAVE AN OPTION TO OPT OUT, NOTHING WILL SAVE HER FROM MY pocky OF JUSTICE AND DRY-RAPE... MOSTLY DRY-RAPE.

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So, the reason there's a bit of a jump is because the entire battle was a push over. Erhardt solo'd 4 of her team, the other two fell to significantly less notable but still quite strong members of my team. (Magnets and Staples, I think.)
I couldn't be arsed giving the donkey-kicking of such weak pokemon screentime. (And yet, I give screen time to all and sundry; what does that say?)


Yeah... I kicked your donkey then, too. Not as hard, but still pretty hard.

...I don't know if you can claim credit for that. That's like saying me breathing counts as credit for helping a forest stay alive.


Going to go and cry to daddy? Little BIRCH. Ha. hahaha.

Stay as far away from your dumb donkey as possible.

If it means I avoid you, yes.

Don't give a fudge, etc.
I can only catch one pokemon per route, anyway; you saying that's like challenging a quadraplegic to a no-holds-barred fistfight.


Crazy bitch.
On a positive note, I've calmed down and now posess considerably less rectalpain than before.

On my way back to the pokemon center...



It's nice to see I've achieved legend status in the 16 episodes I've done.

Ah yes, an "ART DEALER" *wink*

I too, partake of "ART"; not a fan of PAINTINGS, but certainly, SCULPTURES are my favourite. Especially when you cut SCULPTURES into thin lines and snort them up your nostril.

It occurs to me while taking a hit of some ART, that I could be fishing for a pokemon; it probably couldn't fly, but a wailmer would be useful.

Come on... come on...

I am crushed.

I'll leave it there for this post, part 16.2 will be up shortly.