Oh, hello. Last time you saw me, I was in the Rusturf Tunnel, yes? Well, I figured I'd take the week off and spend some time down here in the sun. As well as buying a few bottles of Soda Pop.

Okay, so that's a bit more than a "few". It's good stuff.
Look back up.

Where are you? You're on Route 111, on a bike, with the pokemon trainer you wish you could train pokemon like. What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it. It's two pokemon that you love.
THE POKEMON ARE NOW LEGENDARIES.
Anything is possible when you train pokemon like me.

Trainer hill, huh? Sounds like fun.

Wench! Thou shalt suffer for thine impudence! Sigmund walks where he pleases!


As it turns out, I can't just walk where I please, as proved by two big burly security types who "escorted" me from the building. This nearby house, it looks like a good place to kill and hide a few corpses.

Indeed, sir. I am not an escaping mental patient, either.

Battles? I would only be too happy to oblige.

This'll be quick, I promise.

What'd I say?

Uhoh, alarm up! I got to finish these chumps before they decide that calling the fuzz might be a good idea.

But hung like a horse.

Your husband is weak, woman.

So are you.

Lay it on me, I can take it.

Little girl, this is serious business. Move aside, so that I might battle someone more serious.

I don't think so, darling.

No, this is a horrible dream. YES, of course you just lost.


Oh, come on now. I'm all for beating up the weak and defenceless, but an old woman?


Man, doing you will be like sticking my meat into a barrel of sandpaper, I can tell.

Doesn't mean it won't be over in a minute.

Yes... I'll visit a while. Tell me, are any of you knowledgable about... knives?


I got clocked by a bicycle cop.

I was intending to go to the beach again, do some fishing and perhaps catch a water-type.

Lady luck, be kind.

Spoon. Well, first wild means I catch it or let it go.


In homage to Jarred's Mr. Fish. For more info, check out thepunchlineismachismo.com, and read the entire comic series. Good for a laugh.


This looks like a good place to ditch my failiure of a pokemon. Apparently, it can't even swim.


I'll remember that... but probably not.

Back to Route 111, I find...


I will now star in the smash-hit, "One night in Gabby". Naturally, it will be Adults Only. Beware, front row may get moist and wind up looking like glazed donuts.

The sexiest beast you'll see for the rest of your life, whore.

Some people call me that.

Director's Commentary? Sweet, sure.


One word, huh? Well, I will talk about...

Your anus knows that feeling, Gabby. You ain't gonna poop right for a week, at best.


Really? It'll probably be pay-per-view.


Suddenly, a sandstorm out of nowhere? Looks like I'll have to detour a bit.


CABLE CARS
I FUCKING LOVE CABLE CARS

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY, I NEED TO RIDE THE CABLE CARRRR

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO MEEEEEEE

THE CABLE CAR CALLS OUT TO MEEEE, IT NEEEDS MEEEE

IT SCREAMS FOR ME TO COME AND LUBRCATE IT, LET ME PAAAAAS!

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHCK!

Another detour. Once I beat one off to the thought of the CaaAAAAABLE CAAAAAR




Would you kindly...


Huzzah!

Oh lawd, she's ugly now. At the soonest time, I will have her renamed to "Olga".
And with that...

Everyone's at least level 20! Hooray! Congratulations, all! Celabratory fap!


Yes, you. If it's drugs, I want a share.

So, no drugs, then?

No. Keep your not-drugs. meatstick.


An old lady has offered me a room for the night. How sweet.
The next day...


Here wee go, word of my sexual prowess will go nation-wide!

It was the huge bulge on my lycra pants, right?

Take it in the cornhole... at least, that's what you did, hur hur.

Wait, what?

Well, I won't argue the dominating bit, but I don't recall doing that battle. That's not even me doing that battle, it's the cameraman wearing a wig.

I do try.

Toots, any woman who got done like I did you would feel demoralized, it was that amazing.


Please, only the hot ones.



Only you know just how deep, Gabby. Oh yeah.


Moving on...

Wait... jesus fudge, I'm missing a kidney! That sly old woman!
...
Oh well. I don't need it.

Oh, look. New conquest... and a lot of ash. Everywhere.



Not a particularly remarkable conquest, this one.

Hm. That lump looks suspicious...

Ah! Ninjas!
Good thing I'm real pro at beating the spoon out of ninjas.

...I doubt they had Pokedexes back then.

Another ninja? Really, this is going too fa-

Oh, alright. So it wasn't a ninja, but an item instead. That is fine.

So close... I can almost taste i-

JESUS CHRIST THAT WAS CLOSE
If that marill had decided to actually attack that turn, instead of growling, oh boy.
But it didn't, so that's okay.

And here wee are! I need to take a nap (Murdering a family of four and then going all the way on a reporter takes it out of you) so I'll leave it here for today.