I started writing this thread as a part of another, older thread, but it started going on tangents that were no longer on-topic. As such, I decided to make an entirely new topic. If you have a lot of time, go ahead and read, leave a comment, whatever. I don't expect many to care enough about what I have to say to make it all the way through :)

For a while I've been having a problems with motivation due to constantly contemplating certain questions. If wee do go back to Heaven, or wherever else our souls might be sent, then why should wee strain ourselves in our physical bodies to try to succeed? What's the big reason behind it? If there is no god, and at heart, I believe in egoism (i.e, I believe all people behave selfishly, no matter the circumstance), then why should wee strive to do well in our lives? It is all meaningless in the end. So what, you might be remembered in some random history book, but you are not truly remembered for the individual you are, but rather for your accomplishments, or for a specific event you participated in. Many people have said that when they die they don't want to just leave a pile of poo poo behind, my dad being one of those people. Well, this is an extremely selfish reason, and it is a futile grasp for some form of immortality, by keeping your NAME alive, but more than likely you'll just become, at best, a name that is purely meant to be learned as maybe part of a mnemonic device so that some snot nosed 4th grader can get his B- in history.  What is the use?

If there is reincarnation, then again, why bother trying? You just get another chance. If you only get one time to go through your life, then you might say it is a reason for doing the best you can to succeed. Well, if that's the case, then why are so many others forced to start off with so much less than what I've been blessed? What makes it fair for them to have to suffer, while I reap life's rewards?  What of the retarded, the disabled, the foolish, the mentally ill? You could say they serve as a part of God's overall plan, but if that is true, then is fairness completely thrown out the window? Perhaps God gives them a second chance at life once they've "lived" through it as a disabled human or something, in order to allow for fairness. If this is so, then this brings up another argument.

If whatever happens is, in the end, part of God's plan, seeing as his omniscience includes the ability to know what will happen in the future, then whenever someone kills another individual, it must have been God's will. The Commandments might have said that God wishes otherwise, but if they are to be taken as truth, then why does God even allow for such freedom of choice? If it is to force us to choose to be "good" or "evil" then why even force us to make such a decision? How does he take into account those who do not know of Jesus, or how does he take into account those who have been taught their entire lives that their religion is the absolute correct one? I might not heed the beliefs of another religion because I am still up in the air about which one's traditions and beliefs I can find myself following, and then while I'm deciding, I could be killed in an accident. What then? Do I get partial credit for trying? Is it all or nothing?

What of the babies who die early on, before they even develop a memorable consciousness? If they are killed, then do they get a second chance? I've heard some say that the baby wasn't truly a being with a soul perhaps, and is rather just a temporary being, whose sole purpose is to die early in life, and to cause a chain reaction.  If that is true, then what about those grief-stricken parents? Is it fair that they spend the rest of their lives in pain over this particular event? Perhaps it causes them to lose faith. You might say, "Well, they didn't have true faith if they couldn't stay vigilant in the hardest of times", but then you take into account their circumstances. Perhaps they were just starting to try accepting God? Perhaps the child was going to instill a belief in the Lord for them? I've often head babies called miracles, and to have a miracle taken away from you, makes it seem more like coincidence, and perhaps an absence of God?

If there is no God, then how can you explain infinity? Exactly how can you explain a universe that is infinite? The only way I can comprehend it with my feeble human mind is that God created the universe to help us cope with the idea of infinity. This may sound idiotic, but it is the only way I can put my mind at ease: perhaps wee are only able to see what is currently made, and as wee look farther into space, more of the universe is created.  Again, this is a little like one of the ideas behind a solipsist view that one's mind is the only thing that truly exists. For all I know, I just came into existence this exact moment, with my memories in place. What proof do I have that my memories are correct, or that I have truly experienced anything that I remember?

Well, if you take a look at hedonism, or more specifically a mental state account of well-being, one would say that how you currently feel, such as happy, content, satisfied, etc, etc, determines how well off you are. Well, a counter to this argument is a fictional experiment called the "Experience Machine", which gives any individual the ability to live whatever aspect of a perfect life they'd want, but it would be disconnected from reality. That is, once they left the machine, everything would be back to normal. Most say they'd not want to do this machine, purely because it isn't real. Sure pleasure is good, but wee want to actually live a certain way, realistically own certain things, and actually get to endure certain things in life, rather than just have it all modified into our liking.

This brings about the idea of a desire-fulfillment account. This is the belief that wee are as happy as how much wee've fulfilled in our lives, such as having a family, overcoming a great challenge, making a comfortable living, etc. Well, then why is it that some do not have the same opportunity as others to live a comfortable life, or to fulfill their desires as well? Perhaps they have absolutely no credit due to not ever being able to establish it because of no one who could co-sign to help out? Thus, they couldn't apply for financial aid, or couldn't live a reasonable life. Sure, there are government fundings that help out those without a means to pay for school, but there is not always an ability to even get a decent education to make it far enough to get to college. Their family might not have been able to pay for their education, and so the point is moot.  

Basically, trying to answer any question brings even more questions, and to answer those questions requires knowledge of some aspect of the truth, or else the conditions under which all plausible answers must exist cannot be fully analyzed. Myself, I am still looking for guidance. I truly want to believe in a God, and when someone talks to me about it, I always say that I believe in God, but I am just not sure if it is for the "right" reasons, or if it the same kind of belief they hold. Well, that ends my rant.