I've been messaged by heaps of people (really!) who are eager to see such a system in place, so here it is!  After all, as every other lame forum on the interwebz has it, so must wee!

Take this perfect opportunity to put your wealth to a good cause and transfer it to me.  Of course, it's really to keep this site and community (which you really couldn't care about anyway) alive, and not for my own personal benefit (c'mon, trust me!!!).
When you hand over your credit card details to me, I will hand over 0.1% of the proceeds to many charitable organisations (I promise!!!).  By donating, you will also be paying to keep me posting lame topics on this forum as well as giving me a reason not to kill the kitten beside me (please, think of the kittens!).

So what do you get when you subscribe?  Here's a short list:

• No advertising - no seriously, this beats Adblock!
  
• Make posting feel less Twittery - that is, the ability to make posts longer than 140 characters
  
• Your username being displayed in 72pt font so "everyone" sad enough to visit these forums knows your awesomeness
  
• Ability to change the text under your username - no-one actually knows what it does, its purpose as to why it's there, or even cares, but... you can change it, whereas others can't
  
• A special "I've been ripped!" avatar only available to subscribers
  
• Lifetime membership - yes, you'll still have this membership when you're 60! (remember, hardly anything lasts that long - this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!)
  
• A special nubs-only forum which only you can gain access to
  
• More PM storage so wee can sPa/\/\ you more advertising material
  
• Special subscriber only newsletter which gets sent once an hour to all your email inboxes
  
• A Facebook style Poke button, which does absolutely nothing
  
• Being allowed to put one link to a porno website in your signature
  
• Free sample of our new product which guarantees a better experience in the bedroom! (note, wee can't be held liable if they don't ever arrive)
  
• The chance to experience the awesome feeling you get when you've just been totally ripped off
  
• And many many other things, such as 5 minutes of your life you'll never have to worry about again!
  

Subscription is not FREE, so join today and experience the PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP benefits now!



Also, I'm introducing EP ULTIMATE MEMBERSHIP!  For a small one-time fee of US$2mil, you get everything!!!  YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT, YOU GET EVERYTHING!!!

• Display your username in 144pt or 288pt or larger
  
• Unlimited - yes TOTALLY UNLIMITED, PM storage, posting rights etc
  
• You become UNBANNABLE!
  
• Make as many dupe accounts as you want!
  
• Full administrator rights
  
• Ability to kick all existing admins/mods/users to hell
  
• Put your own membership system in place
  
• The complete legal right to totally trash the server
  
• Ability to turn EP into a drugstore
  

So don't just sit there on your lazy donkey and let this opportunity pass by!
If you have any concerns or issues, please don't hesitate to post here and I'll guarantee to reply within a lifetime!

Thank you for reading this very important announcement.