So: Fallarbor Town. A nice place, if a little dusty. About the most interesting thing about this one-horse town is the Pokemon Center... and they're not interesting at all.
Who the fudge is this? What is this...
woman doing on the PC? Yo, bitch!
Bitch best not be disrespectin' the Sigmund.
You? INVENT? HA HA HA, OH MAN
You dumb bi- wait, is she asking me to... make a house call? Well, alright, then. Route 114 it is.
Before I get out of town, I decide to see what passes for things to look at in this small town.
As I do so, I realize that there is nowhere near enough houses for all the people that seem to live here. That means that people around here do not sleep, or indeed, eat.
A crater. I hope it's from a bomb or something, that'd make this town more interesting. Or if they use the crater for Beyblade battles, that would be okay, too. Preferably both.
TEAM MAGMA? This country's full of insurgent groups, it seems. Eco terrorists and piracy out the donkey.
Doop de doo, gonna make a house call, oh yeah...
But first, house barging!
Hell yeah, I'd fudgeing love a fossil. I know a guy who could turn it into a pogemans.
chocolatehead!
Attempts to ruin this meatstick's house-cave are spoiled by very sturdy supports. Short of throwing a Geodude at the ceiling and telling it to selfdestruct, nothing's gonna bring it down.
I have no Geodudes to throw.
Haven't looked at my card for a while. I'm currently loaded with dosh, 3/8ths hipster, and I still look like a gimp.
I DARE
I WILL TAKE YOUR TM, OLD MAN, NOT BECAUSE YOU ASK, BUT BECAUSE I CAN.
Oh, look. Repeated combat has made Lex Luthor the... fourth pokemon to evolve, I think.
Glooooooooooooooooooooooom and doooooooooooooooooooooooom![/chocolatetyjoke]
Here's my catch for Route 114.
A fitting name. When I get around to it, I shall train his donkey.
Oh yeeeah. *slicks back hair/hat thing, straightens jacket*
Here I go, time for some very, very hot coffee.
Phew. That LANETTE... I wasn't expecting anything like that. I had her beat in the end, though.
She can't drink as much hot coffee as I. Close, though.
Oh, look. Art of distraction has allowed me to get to Meteor Falls without you noticing.
...I don't want a Zubat.
There, it is done. The zubat lies dead, and I shall catch nothing. Which is a shame, I would have loved to catch a Bagon or something.
'allo, 'allo, what's all this, then?
TEAM MAGMA! These fags are the ones seperating me from the caaaAAAAAABLE CAAAAR
Whoops. My lust for the... vehicle on a... taut... cable... has alerted them to my presence.
>implying it won't be you who needs the mercy
Oh?
Oh look, it's the Pirates! Ecoterrorists and pirates, in the same room! Who'da thunk it?
I spoke too soon, suicide?
Okay, not suiciding, just running like a bitch.
As predicted, they ran like the little bitches they are.
No, it was another kid with a hairhat and lycra pants.
Spoon, he's good. I never even said anything, his mystical Pirate powers have pulled the name from the recesses of my miiiind!
Oh, wait, my TRAINER card is on the ground. Sneaky bastard.
It's nice to see someone who isn't me recognize this.
I noticed.
Using the ancient Pirate art of "legging it", TEAM AQUA ran in pursuit of TEAM MAGMA.
I decided to shoot the breeze with the scientist the MAGMA-fags were roughing up before.
Way to go, poindexter. You didn't even consider that they were planning nefarious deeds? You could have been raped, or worse! (Worse: Fed to a Dickwolf, a creature made entirely of penises and only capable of rape)
For a scientist, he's not that bright.
Alright, time to go to Mt. Chimney... LOOK OVER THERE, IT'S BATMAN!
Ha! You didn't even notice that I was here until just now, did you? Fools!
Now, the MAGMA goons are not blocking my path to... the... CaaaaAAAAAABLE CAAAAAR!
HNNNNNGH CABLE CAR
OH YES OH GOD YES
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABLE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
Well. One ride on the... no. I can't say it, now's not the time.
I'm at the summit!
The Pirate captain is doing very well at battling three goons at once.
Aw spoon, nigga
This looks like a delicate operation. It's a shame I'm as delicate as a bull in a china-shop, or a sledgehammer made out of nitroglycerin.
BOSS NIGGA, THAT'S WHO
You could say that. "chocolateting all over their meatstick-parade" would probably be closer to the truth.
Like I told him, it could have been another kid endowed with a titanic schlong.
I'm already doing it, ain't I?
This won't take long. RAMIREZ, BREAK EVERYTHING HE OWNS
No, Ramirez is just very good at doing everything.
If it was, I'd be upset. Pirates are fun, but beating up you fags is more so.
Hm?
Oh, ARCHIE, I cornered MAX- what. He's gone, the crafty fudgeer!
Yes, quite. I think a 80/20 split in my favor, on any treasure you dig up in the future should balance the debt.
I AM ON TEAM JACOB, BITCH
(jk, I hate twilight and it's fans with a passion)
And with that, he does a Batman and vanishes. I turn my attention to the doodad that MAXIE was playing with.
Translation: Do I want to break his spoon? The answer is obviously yes.
I AM FILLED WITH MALEVOLENT GLEE
Meanwhile, at Fallarbor town...
Yeah, that move was pretty retarded.
Looking for... THIS?
Perhaps...
I can't belive I'm trading a super-rare space-rock for a common TM. I must be going senile or something.
Glad you think so.
WHOO!
This guy looks shifty. Perhaps I can crack him...
What am I doing here? That's what I was gonna ask you, chocolatehead.
Yes, fudgehead, are you deaf?
*sound of TEAM MAGMA goon getting seven kinds of spoon kicked out of him*
Hm. I don't think he's gonna fess up.
Lavaridge! The number-1-most-annoying-town-to-get-to!
Ladies.
Oh look, this chocolatehole has a GYM, too.
Thank you, captain obvious. I never would have guessed.
As I beat the stuffing out of FLANNERY's bodyguards...
Look! Now he can do everything better and faster than before!
Alright, I'm at FLANNERY. Here's my team:
As you might have guessed, Ramirez will be carrying the team.
PUNY? I WILL CRUSH YOU UNDER THE UNSTOPPABLE WEIGHT OF MY MASSIVE DONG
Christ, woman, make up your mind.
I wouldn't dream of it, darling.
CLIFFHANGER!
I had to stop working and close up, and I couldn't be arsed finishing the fight today, so I'll leave it until next week.