Endless Paradigm

Over the years on EP, I've seen many threads on the highs and lows of people's lives...


So the question is... how would you rate how YOUR life, as it currently is?



Some examples....

For a teen...
10 - You have lots of great friends, and pretty much everyone likes you.  Your life is like a fantasy and your days are filled with fun and happiness.  You're together with your dream boyfriend/girlfriend, you're doing great at school, and looking forwards to a bright future ahead.
5 - Your life is pretty average.  You have your share of both highs and lows.  You're probably somewhat dubious as to your future, but hey, you'll probably figure something out.
0 - Everything's going wrong, noone likes you, people bully you all the time, and you have numerous scar marks on your wrists.  Maybe it would be better if you just didn't exist.

For a middle aged adult...
10 - You got a great (enjoyable yet well paying) job, and happy family.  You own your own house, and your finances are rock solid.  You're pretty much a success story.
5 - Your life hasn't been exactly a fantasy, and you probably got a big mortgage debt on your head... but hey, at least you got a job, and a supportive wife.  It could be much worse.
0 - Your jobless and it doesn't look like it's going to get any better.  You're in a state of complete financial ruin, you got nothing.  Your life is filled with domestic violence, depression, whatever, and you're contemplating suicide.










.

As for me, probably like a 7 earlier on in life, dropping to like 2-3, rising to an apex of like 8 around the time I just got into uni.  Back to something like a 3-4 now.  My life is somewhat boring, you don't really want to hear the details.



Plot (lol)

For EP's interest... some key dates...

@  Back... from long long...
$  High school (probably called middle school where you are, Yr7).
#  When I first met someone very related to EP.
&  University.
%  Now.  Same level as back then, however, very very different reasons...

Frankly, I dunno how life is for me. I'd assume a 2 or 3. It's pretty shitty but I have amazing friends that make up for it.

Eh, average.

Hmm... bad.

Kinda whatever, I have a job but it's going in and out, my dad was recently deported(everyone was happier after this), social life ain't good and im somewhat depressed. Can't afford university for a while so going to tech college...

Still have skyy-kun to make me happy. :D

I'd say 4 or 5. :3~

id go for 7

i have a job (pay is eh... but atleast i don't depend on my mom too much anymore)
though im still in college (2 years overdue )

family problems .. nothing really
ive got good friends

ive got someone who looks to be like she could be the one ( it will be a very long process though... but i can wait)

still can't drive (don't have a lot of time to do anything really)

ive got ep for the lolz & the random talks and stuff

still don't know what to do after i graduate (IFF ever that time comes)

id like to help the family out best i can but its proving to be difficult

hmm... what else

well, im an undifferentiated schizophrenic. seriously, its in my medical records.
remember when i posted about cutting myself and then disappeared for like 2 months?
that's because i was institutionalized. they diagnosed me with severe chronic depression caused by undifferentiated schizophrenia.
but, i don't want to take meds for it, because im scared of what that would make me.

before you go off and be all like, "zomg hes crazy lol", listen to my symptoms are:

i do get hallucinations, but theyre not like "a beautiful mind" hallucinations. mine are purely auditory. i hear voices in my head which are not my own. more often than not, they are mundane conversations, or ill have discussions in my head with myself. but they take on very distinct characteristics. its interesting, to say the least.

as i am undifferentiated, i show signs of both paranoid and disorganized spectrums of schizophrenia. luckily, i don't show any symptoms of catatonic.

this means that i am also paranoid. i often have delusions that everyone is out to get me, or talking behind my back. this is part of what led to my depression. i ostracize myself, unwittingly. the worst part is, i am not aware that it is due to my paranoia. so i truly believe that everyone is against me.

the other symptom that i have is disorganized thinking and speech. when a schizophrenic exhibits this, its like ADD on cocaine. seriously. a lot of people have noticed, im sure that i cannot keep track of my thoughts and change the subject every couple minutes, and i can't complete sentences a lot or forget what im saying. this is why when i meet new people, im always quiet. its really embarrassing.



as it is, i sleep only about 4 hours a night, and am very lonely. the only thing i do to ever feel better about anything is smoke fudgetons of weed. hell, i just bought $140 worth just for this week.

apparently, my disorder has a huge part to play in this, as 50% of all schizophrenics have substance abuse problems.

you know what's funny? i found a link about schizophrenics that those of you who know me might find interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia_and_smoking


as far as basic life goes, im working a dead-end job, failing out of school, and can't really see a future for myself.


but i gave myself a 4 because im in a good mood right now.


sorry for the tl;dr, ive just been dying to get this stuff off my chest.
*please don't judge me

At this particular moment...? The problem is I don't think it is truly possible to measure my life without taking into account the future prospects. However, based on my comfort with THIS exact moment, I'd give myself a 5, and that is just based on personal problems, inner conflicts, constant doubt, and past regrets (interesting, since it is in contrast to my previous statement of looking only at the future).

If I were to take into account how I think it will all go... it'd be a much more weighted answer. I do not feel that I have lived up to my fullest potential, however..

mines going awesome

it will jump to being a dream when i get a girlfriend lol