08/08/2010, 11:01 PM
08/08/2010, 11:02 PM
trademark91 Wrote: [ -> ]well, im an undifferentiated schizophrenic. seriously, its in my medical records.
remember when i posted about cutting myself and then disappeared for like 2 months?
that's because i was institutionalized. they diagnosed me with severe chronic depression caused by undifferentiated schizophrenia.
but, i don't want to take meds for it, because im scared of what that would make me.
before you go off and be all like, "zomg hes crazy lol", listen to my symptoms are:
i do get hallucinations, but theyre not like "a beautiful mind" hallucinations. mine are purely auditory. i hear voices in my head which are not my own. more often than not, they are mundane conversations, or ill have discussions in my head with myself. but they take on very distinct characteristics. its interesting, to say the least.
as i am undifferentiated, i show signs of both paranoid and disorganized spectrums of schizophrenia. luckily, i don't show any symptoms of catatonic.
this means that i am also paranoid. i often have delusions that everyone is out to get me, or talking behind my back. this is part of what led to my depression. i ostracize myself, unwittingly. the worst part is, i am not aware that it is due to my paranoia. so i truly believe that everyone is against me.
the other symptom that i have is disorganized thinking and speech. when a schizophrenic exhibits this, its like ADD on cocaine. seriously. a lot of people have noticed, im sure that i cannot keep track of my thoughts and change the subject every couple minutes, and i can't complete sentences a lot or forget what im saying. this is why when i meet new people, im always quiet. its really embarrassing.
as it is, i sleep only about 4 hours a night, and am very lonely. the only thing i do to ever feel better about anything is smoke fudgetons of weed. hell, i just bought $140 worth just for this week.
apparently, my disorder has a huge part to play in this, as 50% of all schizophrenics have substance abuse problems.
you know what's funny? i found a link about schizophrenics that those of you who know me might find interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia_and_smoking
as far as basic life goes, im working a dead-end job, failing out of school, and can't really see a future for myself.
but i gave myself a 4 because im in a good mood right now.
sorry for the tl;dr, ive just been dying to get this stuff off my chest.
*please don't judge me
I don't think any of us here are in the position to judge you. Wee all have problems whether they are as severe as yours or not. I have chronic depression, ADHD, a failing gallbladder,
incontinence >.>
08/08/2010, 11:05 PM
it does give me an excuse for smoking though 
08/08/2010, 11:06 PM
That is true. :P ADHD is my excuse. :3
08/08/2010, 11:08 PM
lol. 80% of all schizophrenics smoke.
50% abuse drugs.
and you know what's funny? i noticed smoking makes the hallucinations less frequent.
and when i smoke weed consistently, i can go months without anything of the sort.
i should move to california
50% abuse drugs.
and you know what's funny? i noticed smoking makes the hallucinations less frequent.
and when i smoke weed consistently, i can go months without anything of the sort.
i should move to california
08/08/2010, 11:46 PM
Assassinator Wrote: [ -> ]My life is somewhat boring, you don't really want to hear the details.
My social life is almost non-existent right now. Actually I don't particularly mind being a loner (not much to worry about), so it's not too much of a hit.
As it is right now... I have pretty much everything riding on uni.
- If it works out, I'll land myself a very nice job, getting paid enough to have pretty much whatever I want. Everything can then begin from there on.
- If it doesn't work out... I got nothing, pretty much almost absolutely nothing. I have no job right now, practically 0 work experience, and almost no social life (= not very good social skills... though I don't think I'm too bad).
I'm... not doing all that well...
So yeah, the pressure and heat is really stacking up and I'm feeling really really stupid to have let short term desires pretty much cloud out my future.
And some problems with parents I guess... Well, not all is not lost, it's just going to be a whole lot more difficult... making up the hard way what was lost.
Anyway, this probably all sounds like a kid's whining compared to what some of you guys have been through, so I guess I'll shut the fuck up now.
08/08/2010, 11:54 PM
Assassinator Wrote: [ -> ]Anyway, this probably all sounds like a kid's whining compared to what some of you guys have been through, so I guess I'll shut the fuck up now.
Joomla12 Wrote:I don't think any of us here are in the position to judge you.
08/08/2010, 11:57 PM
Joomla12 Wrote: [ -> ]Joomla12 Wrote:I don't think any of us here are in the position to judge you.
THIS
09/08/2010, 12:18 AM
i guess I am at a 4....
No job
No money
but do to recent break up, i feel better than i have been in awhile
No job
No money
but do to recent break up, i feel better than i have been in awhile