So, when I last left you, WALLACE was being a little bitch and whining about the weather.


Does he run like a bitch? Roll 2D6, less than or equal to 4, he stays!


Moment of truuuuth...

And there it is. WALLACE, exiting stage left, quick as he can without soundling like a busta on the surface.

At least his faith is well-placed.

Sky pillar. As I enter the building, images assault my mind, of times long since passed, of what amounts to slow torture; pain was once had here, long ago. So much pain.

There's our catch...

And I'm NOOOOPEing out of there like a motherhugger. It just won't go down, and it's not worth sacrificing Magnets for.

This is too easy. The images before spake of a horrendously finicky puzzle, and I see nothing.

A subconcious urge to be on a bike surges through me, but I resist; why would I be on a bike, here?

A suprisingly trouble-free ascent. How about that.

Another aeons-old pokemon with terrifying power. I seem to be finding a lot of those, lately.


Am I really that terrifying?
Well, time to give chase; I think I know where it's headed.

---

My lord Raptor Jesus cometh! Praise B- oh, wait, it's just Rayquaza.

Someone has forgotten to turn off the anti-air defences... why does Sootopolis have those, anyway?

Rayquaza does his thing

And he flies off! Funky.

And here I am, just watching this spoon go down, like I usually do.



I think that was actually pretty handy; I didn't fancy trying my usual strategy of brute force on the weather itself. Mostly because it would be fruitless. I haven't met anyone who could punch the weather in the groin.

He's loopy, let's talk to ARCHIE.


Yes, after you silly dicks broke it.




And they vanish like phantasms, hopefully never to be seen again; If I do, it'll be too soon.

Ah, there you are; cowering away in your fancy hat like the bitch I know you are.



It had better be money. Why doesn't anybody reward anybody with money?


Great. Give me something I can't use. I need the Rain Badge for this, don't I?


I dream of a straight-forward gym where I can just go in, kick donkey, and go out.

---

It's this guy... again. I still haven't forgotten; as soon as I'm champion, I'll beat the spoon out of you with something. Probably magnets, he's no featherweight.

That's actually slightly helpful. I was expecting a ice-type or something.

But? I know there's a but.


Ugh, I hate thinking.

As I stomp my way around the ice, buttons are pressed beneath, and the stairs are revealed!
I'm really good at this whole puzzle thing!

Too easy!

That was so easy! I... I don't even.

There's my team, let's get to it.

What?

What WALLACE knows about pokemon would probably struggle to fill a small notebook. A mere half-page document regarding type advantages and things like "poison makes you lose hp (!)".


I imagine you would have doled out RAIN BADGES like free candy, then.

Yeah, I would too if my cabbage student fudgeed up the reputation of Sootopolis Gym.



You're not going to like my team, then, Juan.

---

I AM AWAKE, IT IS TIME TO BATTLE

RIGHT AS SOON AS I GET OVER WHAT THE FUCK HE IS WEARING
SERIOUSLY, IT'S WORSE THAN WHAT I AM WEARING. WHAT

I've just decided to screencap the death messages, seeing as I'm one-shotting most of these, anyway.

Whiscash could have been problematic; I vaguely recall that he has EARTHQUAKE or something equally bullchocolate; and Magnets is not a fan of EARTHQUAKEs.

By the way, Magnets didn't attack; I simply undid my fly and the penis did the rest.

Are you even trying, etc.

AW FUCK
That's a water/dragon mix, I'm no longer in posession of a type advantage!

Just... DIE... ALREADY

So. After about 15 rounds of me knocking kingdra down to critical health, only for Juan to pop a potion to heal him immediately after, Kingra started using Rest. And that's when I stepped in and slapped his spoon so hard, he's chilling with Team Rocket in the lower atmosphere.



That's me in a nutshell, I guess; barely contained, raw, unadulterated skill.

I don't think you can talk, you poncy bastard.

I'd rather not; I have standards, as low as they are, and I won't compromise them.


Damn straight, you busta.


Aw yeeeah.

Wee battled?

Huh. People I've never met giving me random things is always nice.

On my way out, I fell though the ice and found all thse people, trapped beneath.
Turns out they were all blinded by snow, and couldn't see the ladder out.

I AM HIPSTER SUPREME
I'M SO DEEP, I'M ON A FIRST-NAME-BASIS WITH ALL THE MERMAIDS
I'M SO UNDERGROUND, I SPEAK DIGLETT
I WEAR THICK GLASSES AND DRINK EXPENSIVE COFFEE WHILE I POST ON THE INTERNET FROM MY MAAAAA- sorry, MAAAAAAAAAA- fudge, I can't say it.
I'll just pose, instead.

Feces was so monetary.