Sorry, I was so enthusiastic about kicking his first pokemon's donkey, I forgot to snap a picture.
It was a Spinda.

Emphasis on "was", it is now a generic red smear.

Vigoroths are (mostly) about speed, if I recall correctly, so I should use this pokemon as time to buff my stats, and buff them good.

SO... MUSCLY...

I SHOULD BE A MAJOR IN AN ARMY SOMEWHERE, PERHAPS LOOKING FABULOUSLY HANDSOME, PUNCHING ROCK AND Spoon.

IS THERE NO LIMIT TO MY POWER

APPARENTLY NOT, I KICKED VIGOROTH'S donkey SO HARD HE TURNED INTO A LINOONE


AND THEN I KILLED THE LINOONE, TOO, HOLY Spoon I'M GOOD

Apparently, NORMAN thinks he can get away with nothing short of full-on sloth... I'm not sure how that's supposed to work, but whatever:


I love to be lazy as much as the next guy, but it's hard to be lazy when you're as fabulously ripped as I.

I think this is a bit anti-climatic. Oh well, I can't help being tank.





It better be a bit more than a raise in my non-existant allowance, you old bastard.

Nope, it's a fourth badge of hipstery. I AM NOW ONE HALF HIPSTER, I AM ALMOST "WITH IT"!



Where does it say in the fabric of the universe that I must only recieve TMs as rewards? I'd much rather have hookers, blow, and/or sexual favors. Of course, not the latter from my DAD, but the hookers and blow, certainly. Ludicrous sums of cash would also work.



I think this is a relative of WALLY. It's either his dad, or his uncle; they both look the fudgeing same.


He won't mind. Let's walk and talk.


WAS THE DARK HOOD, KICKING AND ROPE-TYING REALLY NECESSARY? I KNOW THIS IS WALLY'S HOUSE, I KNOW WHERE IT IS, JESUS CHRIST

Good for him! My one remaining kidney feels like pulp, you wanker!

You have a strange way of expressing gratitude!


Oh god, it's 'borrowed' goods, isn't it?

...I can't even get decent 'borrowed' goods? What is wrong with this world, it's like a bunch of... freaks... designed this world to be a douche to me, non-stop!

I'm blowing this popsicle stand, jesus.

I went back to Verdanturf to rough WALLY up some as revenge for what his parents did to me, but it turns out that the little chocolatehead has up and done a runner.

Sonofabitch, his parents ratted me out. I'll catch up to him, the world's a small place, almost like it was designed for some sort of fourth-generation hand-held console.


I wasn't worrying; I'm sure he'll last long enough for me to find him and fudge his spoon up.

A quick stop at the daycare; yes, I remember Mr. Fish.

15 levels of good, yes. That would put him somewhere about level 20. I leave him there, it's not expensive.

Oh look, it's our resident supervillain, WATTSON.

I won't "zuck ya pocky", if that's what you're after, you creepy old fudge.

Translation: Wattson has a Secret Lair of Doom, as does every supervillain.

You should take responsibility and turn your own damn lights off when you leave.


Well, I guess I've always wanted the key to a city... a Secret Lair of Doom is okay, I guess.

Wait, challenge?

You mean you left the security systems running?!


After using a skydive-rig-thing to lower myself down, a'la Tom Cruise, I arrive at New Mauville, Secret Lair of Doom, belonging to WATTSON.

I've incorporated Baller into the party, on account of how troll-y ground types are vs. electric type moves.

More turns than there should be later...

Paralysis - god-tier trolling, and this pokemon's all about that bullchocolate.


I slience the generator with my good looks, massive endowment and sexual prowess.

All night long, baby - all night long.



How can I, hold all these TMs?



I take charge by stomping angrily east.

Oh look, peasants I could have beaten up earlier. How quaint.

I SEE THE SEA
GEDDIT
IT'S A JOKE
OR A PUNE
A PLAY ON WORDS
BECAUSE THE WORDS "SEE", and "SEA" SOUND THE SAME
BUT THEY AREN'T
THEY AREN'T EVEN THE SAME TYPES OF WORD
SEE IS A VERB, AND SEA IS A NOUN, SEE (CWHATIDIDTHERE) (DOHOHOHO, I DID IT AGAIN)
YOU DON'T GET IT
WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING
YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF NEANDERTHALS FOR NOT FINDING THIS HUMERUS.

I'll go tell my jokes where they'll be more appreciated. Also, this is as far as I've gotten, so more next week.
Ciao!