Now, where was I? Oh yes. I was going to kick Steven's donkey for choosing to lurk in a dark cave while I want to deliver a letter to him.
But before that, I should get some info.

This looks like the pl-

LACKS LOOK? What is this, some sort of meta-hipsterfaggotry which I am unaware of?



I should bloody well think so.

At this point, I have made a major alteration to the team; I can't be arsed babysitting Metroid any longer, so Bruce W will now take his place.



After a bit of faffing about with grinding and stuff, I'm ready to go and find STEVEN.


Fuck, it's dark. I suppose this is why I got the Knuckle badge and FLASH for.

Better.

One totally uneventful trek later, I find...


He sounds rich. Is he rich?


I'll take ten million, or twenty kilos of blow, or ten hookers/cheerleaders. Whichever's easier.

That doesn't look like cash, wenches or addictive drugs, STEVEN. Don't fudge me around.

You'd better run, bitch. I slap your spoon.

One disappointing reward later, I return to BRINEY.

Wait, I think I'm forgetting somethi-

SHIIIIIIIIIIIT HE SAILS FAST


Oh, hey. I figured I'd catch some sun while I was here. All these chairs and nobody in 'em. Although, the crazy people count in this area is insane.

Slateport City, gateway to paradise or something like that.

...Looks like the annual piracy convention is on, I'll have to come back later.

Stern's Shipyard? That's where these GOODS are supposed to go... as far as I can tell. The address label was a poor choice of place to wipe the excess off, it's crusted over and obfusicated the darn thing.

WHERE IS STERN, THE SIGN PROMISED THERE WOULD BE STERN
JUST GIVE ME STERN ALREADY, YOU... YOU... DOUBLE DOCK

YES GIVE ME STERRRN

STERRRRRRRRRN

THANK YOU FOR WASTING MY TIME, YOU FUCK

I WAS GOING TO DO THAT
DO YOU ENJOY MOONLIGHTING AS CAPTAIN OBVIOUS?

So, a quick nose about town throws up this pokemon fetishist's club.

The head fetishist is easy to find.


I was expecting a tirade about a pokemon (probably a Rapidash) at this point, and perhaps a voucher for some obscenely expensive thing which I could not buy normally.
But this was not the case.

I am suprised that there is a market for this sort of thing.

I think I'll hear what he has to say about Fargoth's name.
He's polite about it, but he think's it's spoon.

Okay old man, what you got?

...this is acceptable. I suppose there is a market for this.


Oh, look. The line is gone. Time to go in.

Shiiiit, fifty bucks? I hope there's rides or some spoon.

Oh, sorry. I don't have a pirate costume, but I'd love to attend.

Ah, the hostage-taking pirate. Nice to see that you're not dead.

He gives me another TM. Am I being scammed with all these worthess things? In the future, will I reward young boys with my endless stacks of accumulated junk called TMs?

Fair enough. I am pretty awesome and fear-inducing, you know.

I think the $50 was worth it, just for that.

How on earth did you get around those two ladies at the entrance? They're pretty sharp. They have total coverage, you can't sneak past. I should know, I tried.

Upstairs, I find...

STERRRRRRRRRRN
HERE IS YOUR THINGS, MIND THE STAINS AND SMELL

You want this box encrusted with- oh, you want the GOODS inside, right? Well, they're mine. Fuckheads.

PIRATEFAGS STATUS:
[ ] NOT TOLD
[ ] TOLD
[x] STONE TOLD STEVE AUSTIN

Uhoh, the captain's come up to hustle things along.

That is a spoon name. I feel bad for you.

How does one come to these conclusions? Are you a wizard?

Uniform does not make the supervillain, I can tell you that right now.

Long story short, thanks to my impressive penis-puppetry, I scare off the pirates.

I have something for you. Take it now before I change my mind.


Wa- guh. No cash reward? I risk my life to deliver this spoon and you don't even give me a tip?
Fuck this spoon, I'm never doing a courier job ever again.


YOU

MOTHERFUCKER


THAT WAS ME. NOW I FUCK YOU UP.

What is wrong with this man? He must be blind, deaf and stupid. Or from opposite-land.

Rot in hell, fudgehead.


Alright, new route, new slave.

Sounds like fun. Take it away, Joanna!

Zing!


I think Alphonse will be of more use than Bruce, so time to tag out, batman.



Oh jesus. How did you find me, BIRCH?
He asks me about MAY. I have no idea where that whore is, and I tell him so.


If she goes all the way down on me, she might earn my attention for five minutes.

Further up the road, I find this. This expains how Birch is such a wizard and can get from his lab to where I was in no time at all.


Sounds like a challenge to me.

Is dis sum big brother?

I knew it!



Before I can ask him something, he spirals up into the air and vanishes. He truly is tricky. I guess I'll take the challenge.

After cutting my way through suprisingly immovable, inflexible small saplings, I find the trick master again.


Try planting the trees a little more ahead of time in future, and nobody will ever reach you.


cashcashcashcashcashcashcash
It was a Rare Candy. I suppose uncommon sweets are okay, too. I still want cash, though.



He does his spiraling vanish trick again - I'll have to come back another day, test his inferior mettle once more.

And at this point, I closed up work. Quiet like a graveyard, it was.

I have work tomorrow, so I'll pick up where I left off then.