Aaaall riiight. I have a date with some twins.

Looking sharp, guys. Level low-40's sharp.

Mildly! I can't remember how I was acting last update, so I'm making this uuuup!

What are you, a transmutated human made from parrots? (clap, whoosh)

Just psychic twins. I fudgeing love twins.

I FUCKING LOVE TWIIIIINS



I get the feeling that nobody talks to you two much, am I right?

---

Stop; Battle time, do do dodo dodo dodo

It's a fairly even fight; I have 4 combat-worthy minions, and they have four.
BUT MINE ARE BETTER.

What do you get when you cross a creature of clay with a creature that sprays water via. Hydro Pump?

That's two down. But Lunatone's suprisingly buff, he's been using Calm Mind a lot.

He falls to my double-teaming eventually. And by that, I mean that Staples throws balls of darkness at him while Mr. Fish sprays water like a sprinkler that's hooked up to a fire hose.

And that makes four. Fuck Solrock and his sunny-day-solarbeam bullchocolate.


Why do gym leaders act so suprised when I beat them? It's like the only person going through the whole badge thing is me, and everyone else just cheats and goes where they want.

---

Ooh ooh! Raise the roof! Ooh ooh! WITH MY MIIIIIND WHOARRRR

Why, because it's dangerous to go alone?

Lovely. It's like being given warm turds. In beautifully wrapped, airtight boxes, so it's a total suprise.

Aah, sunlight. Burns me. Because I'm so deep and underground. Why? Because...

BAM! Ha ha! Who's that handsome devil? 7/8ths hipster, who would have guessed that I'd make it this far?

Well, me, obviously. Now, where was I- Ah, yes. SPAAAAAAACE centre.

'The fudge?

OH GOD, They're actually going to go ahead and 'borrow' that fuel! Our glorious space race!

Come back here, you mother fudgeers!

Well, shoot. Another hostage situation.
This calls for being very sensitive and delicate, to avoid antagonizing the hostage takers into murdering their captives. Very delicate movements...

A BLOOGA BLOOGA WHOO AAAARRRRAAAAAAAGH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMOTHERFUCKERSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

See. Delicate.

What do you want fuel for, anyway? Hoenn has nocars. (Forever pedestrians)


Well, spoon, you just do things because people tell you? You don't stand up and ask, WHY?

Well. My Right Knuckles and Mr. PokeDollar both say you should let me pass. Who do you want to talk to first?


Atta boy.

---

It's a cunning trap, they must have known that the guy downstairs would do anything for a dollar.

'course, I love traps because they bring all the fighting TO me, as opposed to me having to go and pull it out of whatever hole it's hiding in.


Oh, come on. Two on one, baby, it's the only thing that'll do for me.



This isn't going to get rid of the boner I had from the twins, you know.
Did I not mention the boner induced by the twins? Oh, sorry. Here, boner, meet audience. Audience, boner.
"Sup audience."

Sequential defeats are indexes to suckage. Therefore, you all posess suckage, cubed. That's a chocolateload of suckage. You fail at failing to fail. Which just means Fail, and that's a fact.


As meatshields, yes. As glorious examples of TEAM MAGMA's martial might, not really.

You're too old to go to space, get over it.

Until you've seen spacecore, nobody truly wants to go to space. Nobody wants to go to space like he.

---

Look, is STEVEN, being beaten up by pussies.

That was your chance to dispel the perception I had of you, and you blew it. Pussy.


I suppose I could intervene and stop STEVEN going the way of Vegeta, but I like to be nosy first.

Hmph. You'll not ignore me.
STEEEVEN, THE MEAN MAN ISN'T GIVING ME THE ATTENTION I CRAVE FROM A FATHER FIGURE
Oh spoon. Did I say that out loud? I meant... uh... he's being an asshole?

I totally don't have daddy issues. It's a dad issue. Dead. Dead issue.
Moving on.



I wish people told me sensitive things just because I asked. I got slapped the other day for asking if a lady was pregnant with double-octuplets, or just morbidly obese. Sheesh, some people...

THE WHOLE LOT?!


STEVEN
GIVE THEM THE FUEL, MAN
I WANT TO SEE THIS

SEE? IT WILL BE SAVAGE
LET US HAVE IT, BRO

The savagicity of the idea is so staggering, STEVEN is pushed back a full 6 metres.
I guess he just can't handle the jandal.

Aawww, but I want to- the volcano-

...sigh. Fiiiine. I'll explode a mountain some other time. I want to see what evolving a wailmer in a small cave can do.

TEAM MAGMHURR

Wow, what a spoon lineup. Metal everywhere.

Oh man, STEVEN looks like a meatbun this close.

Zzzzap!

All I wanted was to have a quiet life, masturbating to gardevoir hershey kisses on the internet and having a dad that actually lived at home. But no. Spoon happened. And here wee are.




Hey; don't feel bad. When I'm in play, you can do little else but fail.



That is one hell of a leap. More land = bad =/= more ocean, dickbutt

STEVEN considers the retarded idea put in front of him, and strives to dismiss it as gently as possible.


More important than preparing to blow up a volcano? Daaamn, son.

Like Eco-terrorist, filthy communist, red ninjas, they vanish.



Yes! Booty call!
But he's a guy.
Doesn't matter! BOOTY CALL
But he's a guy!

I knew that!

---

SIGMUND IS HERE
REMOVE YOUR VESTMENTS AND SAY HELLO TO MY LONG AND SUPER FRIEND
THE SUPER ROD
ALSO, LOOK AT MY PENIS, IT IS LONG AND ERECT, IT WILL TEAR YOU INSIDE OUT


I know, I 'borrowed' everything not nailed down before. This stuff's all nailed down.



*snatch*

---

Time to go and use the new toy.

Oh god, when did she get my number?!


Bad acid?

The long and green, obviously. She's seen the long. Riiiight down here. Aw yee.


Whatever happened to saying "goodbye"?

TRIPLE BEAM, ALL THE WAAAAAAAAAY

"I'm back, baby."

Sorry. I have a thing for humanoid female fantasy creatures. Like Gardevoir and Mermaids.

This looks suspicious...

Ah ha!
In wee go!


Well, shoot. Look at that. Sootopolis city; now this, this is the hardest city to get to in all of Hoenn. Remember, you need DIVE to get here, and you get dive by getting the 2nd-hardest badge in the entire region!
The population must be so inbred.