Endless Paradigm

OK

this is another story thread, but I would like it shaped a bit more coherently.

RULES:
1. Minimum of 1 sentence, NO MAXIMUM
2. "And then he stuck it up his pooper." etc, are discouraged. it's ok to do something strange, at least make it your own.
3. Keep a central character, and a general jist of the story intact.

GENERAL JIST:
central character: Zinga Burga
setting: Australia (if you know nothing about Australia, like me, wing it. go ahead and make it, i don't know, a big island used by a foreign power as a substitute to local imprisonment. think No Escape (http://imdb.com/title/tt0110678/))
what's happening: who knows? run with it.

START:

Zinga's left eye was swollen shut, but he could still see his captor. His hands had been zip-tied behind him, but they had neglected to remove his watch. Twisting his left hand upward, he slid a finger along the base of the watch and triggered the in-built laser. He caught the tie in his hand before it fell to the ground, and remained still. The man slowly moved toward him. He was carrying a car battery in his right hand, and jumpers in the left.

with his arm tied he managed to disarm the time bomb, eventually with his l33t h4x0r skill he unknowingly escaped.

the kangaroo cops were running after him each one holding a boomerang in their right paw.

unknowingly to them zinga is a highly advanced robot from the future and uses his energy legs to kick them in the face

Little did he know, however, that the man chasing him was really his mother, who got a sex change shortly after he was born. He/she/it was jealous of Zinga's robotic anti-gravity penis and wanted to 'borrow' it for his/her/its own.

then suddenly his anti-gravity penis fell downward and the poles of the earth changed!! now australia had irelands weather!! which made Zingas mother/captor melt in the rain because she was also the witch from the wizard of oz or something!!

Of course, there was only one possible outcome. Her flying monkeys now sought revenge upon Zinga.  They swooped in and started beating on him with rocks.

And then he woke up screaming.

He jumped when he heard a voice, though. "What's wrong, sweety?" He turned to look who said it, and there, in his bed with him was Che Guevara, the Cuban revolutionary!

Not knowing what to do or even say, Zinga's eyes fixed upon che gazing aimlessly into his face, he/she/it started sweating heavily until che broke the silence

"your the chosen one......"

"Chosen for what? But I'm just a teenage girl, what could I possibly do?"
"It is you, Zinga of the Burga, who must free our nation from bondage."
"Why do you look like Che Guevara? And what kind of bondage is our nation in anyway..."
"Australia didn't really have an obvious revolutionary figure. This is God, I just chose to take this appearance. Your nation, believe it or not, has been secretly overrun by an alien race, a lot like the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers. You must retrieve three items. Only then will your victory be assured."

"First you must recover The Headphones of Retribution from the wreckage of a great pirate ship."
"Second, the Clueless Ogre hiding in the Lost Forest holds The Shield of Vengeance. Find him, and take it."
"Third, and most important of all, The Sword of Revenge is where you will find it."

"You won't need more than this. Questions are not needed. Just go forth, and all will be made clear."
Che slowly faded from view, and Zinga was left, alone in her bed, wondering if she had gone insane.