Endless Paradigm

So after much pondering and thinking I've decided to get all of my dear old friends opinions here at EP on my current situation. So here goes what is currently happening.........

So my fiance who I've been together with for the past 8 years ( I'm sure those of you that know me have seen me talk about her ) totallypulled a dirtbag move on me at the worst possible time and now I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it. So wee have been together for 8 years and the whole time I have given her everything and anything she wanted or needed. I let her stay at home while I worked and supported us, paid rent , took care of bills etc. , I took her out to fancy restaraunts , hotels etc. and even after 8 years would still bring her home flowers , presents randomly just to make her feel special and remind her how much I love her. Took her clothes / makeup shopping on the regular , got her a new laptop for the hell of it because she thought it looked cute, paid 900 dollars for an ipad 3 a month ahead of time to get some guy to camp out and stand in line in missouri to make sure she got one on release day ( in my town wee have no stores that sell apple products when they first come out ) had a buddy hook us up with a private screening at our local movie theatre of her favorite movie, bailed her mom out of jail, let her mom and brother move in with us when they had nowhere to go and many more instances like described. Just explaining to give you a little idea of everything ive done for this girl. So she had this brilliant idea of something she wanted me to do for something she wanted and somehow convinced me to do it and long story short I ended up in jail because of it. She came and visited the first week 3 times crying and telling me how much she missed me and telling me she would always be there for me and would stick by my side no matter what and that she would wait for me and just reassuring me of how much she loves me and that she'll wait for me and that I have nothing to worry about. Now the entire 8 years weve been together wee've been inseperable and wee are literally best friends and have spent every day together and done everything together and have always got along great and never even fight. Wee have had a great relationship with neither of us ever cheating or even doing anything remotely close to shady. Wee've always been loyal to each other and never given each other any reason whatsoever to worry about anything. Wee have always been best friends and considered ourselves soul mates. Needless to say after 8 days of being locked up she visited and said she'd see me after the weekend and would write and send me a picture. After that I never heard from her again the rest of the time i was locked up. Never even received a letter or picture or anything. After 30 days I bailed out and went to find her thinking the best and excited to see her. I couldnt find her and sent her a message on facebook that she didnt respond to for 15 days. Instead that day i found her best friend ( who is also one of my very good friends ) and found out that after i was in jail for 2 days she started using meth and hooking up with guys for a place to stay and for free drugs. Since I had always taken care of her and given her everything I guess she was incapable of taking care of herself. She finally came over after 16 days askingf to borrow a glass of milk for a cake. Turns out she is living with a 42 year old tweaker 3 houses away from mine. Now when I tried to talk to her she had no explanation for anything except that she knew how fudgeed up it was and that she wasn't there for me during the one time i probably needed her the most ( i have never been in trouble before thjis and am an upstanding citizen so going to jail is very out of my comfort zone ) . After blowing up on her for everything she just cried and tried to turn it around and left. The next day she came over again and wee walked and talked and kind of just bullchocolateted. Now she is like a totally different person and is all strung out on meth and heroin. I love her more then the world and before would have done anything for her. Our relationship is kind of up in the air right now but shes dropping hints that she wants to come back with me and move back into my house. Now even though i love her more then anything she has hurt me more then you could even imagine and wasn't there for me the one time i needed her most and on top of that hooking up with guys fro drugs and spoon. But for some reason I still love her? What would you do in this situation? I'm curious to hear how other people view this situation? Sorry its so long but had to give a clear picture of the situation. Appreciate any input!

Hello you crazy guy! i remeber you!

Hmmmm , in this situation , is better to turn back and left.
let me explain , normally people using this kind of things are really hard to be trusted , and i know its not the first time
she do this. even if you are ready to sacrifice you and try to live on with her its no security she will not go back on taking this.
and what it leads to are manye troubles , home disscusions and burnt money.
beleive me its hard to live with a person like this , i think you know.
Take your sh1t together , stay out of trouble and cary on.
If you are absolutely sure you need this person , then try to live with her , i know 8 years is a long time ,
but never give up , there are many other women
wich maybe are best fitted for you , i know because i found my girl when i was 30 years old even without expecting it.
I thought i was gonna to live alone for the rest of my life , but nah.
for the rec : i was with thatkind of person let me see , maybe 4 years and i end up in detox , lucky me!
i just let her go...and now im doing great.

Second day your gone she go away ..... hmmm

its up to you make your decision , deep inside of you you know the answer follow your insticts to the end.

Man that is really deep. I feel for you. But I have to say, let her go. If it was that easy for her to fudge other guys after all the time you've been together she isn't one to be trusted. Heroin, even with rehab, is a nasty drug to break habit. If you take her back, she may always be going around your back to get her fix.

As far as you should be concerned, she threw your time together out the window with her decisions. And you shouldn't be taken down because of it.

If I was in your shoes I wouldn't get back together with her. Instead take her to rehab or someplace that will help her with the drug problems... maybe after all that there will be hope for you two, but as of now, no.

oh lawd

What gsmoke and Kuu said.

Let her go. like gsmoke said. "There are plenty of women in the world" and She just happen to be NOT the right one. Once a person tries Drug, She won't let it go, doesn't matter if you take her to a Rehab, she will still make your life miserable.

Peace Walker Wrote: [ -> ]What gsmoke and Kuu said.

Let her go. like gsmoke said. "There are plenty of women in the world" and She just happen to be NOT the right one. Once a person tries Drug, She won't let it go, doesn't matter if you take her to a Rehab, she will still make your life miserable.

That's not necessarily true. I quit heroin quite easily. It all depends on your will power. However,  meth is a different story. If she chooses it over you, time to walk away. Methamphetamine is incredibly addictive and quitting it is like sticking your hand in a blender. Now, you can can choose to have her go to a 12 step program but it's all up to her.

Kuu Wrote: [ -> ]she threw your time together out the window with her decisions. And you shouldn't be taken down because of it.

That's the crux of it. I can't believe someone as apparently close to you as she was changed so soon after you got locked up.

I could ask questions such as "did she have a pre-existing habit?" but that would only put together pieces in a puzzle irrelevant to the present because - regardless of the given situation she did what she did.

If you care about her too much to just let her go entirely - like Davis said, to her somewhere so she can get help but for your own sake it's probably best to let her go. She let you down.

I think you love the person she was.  She's a different girl now, no two ways about it.  Who knows who she's slept with and what sort of diseases they might of had.  She'll need to be clean for what, six months, before she can remotely be trusted again, and I know you already did 8 years with her, but for the next 6-12 months she'll need to focus absolutely on her recovery before thinking about a relationship.  That's if she's even interested in recovery.  Sorry bro, sorry for your loss.

Thank you all for your input! Appreciate it very much, ive never necessarily been the type of person to talk about my feelings or situations like this but this particular event seems to be one a little bit too big to contain. Unfortunately as much as I love her what all of you are saying is the painful truth and hearing it all from you just helps me be even stronger to accept it and stay strong with my decision. As its been said she is definitely a different person now and is not the same girl that I fell in love with. And it seems that she doesn't want to get clean because in her mind she was able to get off the heroin by slamming meth so since she isn't currently getting sick (withdrawals) from not doing heroin in her mind she is clean even though she is spun out of her mind. Thank you all for taking the time to read my overtly long post and for giving serious and meaningful responses to it. I appreciate it very much and just want to say thank you to all of you guys ! I'm going to try to stay strong and focus on my own life for the time being and see where life takes me from here. Its hard acclamating to being alone after having a companion by your side for so long but what needs to be done needs to be done. I'm sure I'll end up writing more in this thread and I'll keep an eye for anyone elses opinions too as each new post just helps me to stay that much stronger. Thanks again and have a great day! Talk to you all soon