Endless Paradigm

Ever think about the past and how you could have change it for the better? I have, i have thought about it many many times over. i have thought about how everything has made an imprint or a wound or empty space that i have to see,feel. I think about how i could of handled things differently or what i could have done to prevent something from happening. I also think about my past relationships with people and how they saw me back then and how they see me now. i think about what if and how come more than i should.

i read some old letters from my exfiancee and i jus thought double you tee eff went wrong? I tried everything to make things better. Why did it go to spoon, what happend? I read these and i think about the horrible things i have said and done to people and reflect but i feel i don't know something, something that isn't anger nor grief. Something more sad and low.

As a Man I will admit i am always wrong, i am always going to be lazy in some aspect. I'm always gonna be an donkey. and have smart donkey remarks. but i want people to know that i recognize this and acknowledge it as well. i don't jus leave it alone, i channel it.

i think 24/7 i get migraines and headaches to the point of nosebleeds and I'm crying. people keep telling me not to think so much nor to stress so much either. how? how do you not do what has been hardwired in you by someone else.

Another question that Google can't answer is: How does one let go and forgive others when they have not been shown?

i don't know do you?

I writing because when im here at this site people are funny and neat to talk to. In a way it calms me down, but i feel strange using EP as blog type thing. Please note that theres something wrong, i jus don't know what.

I'm not trying to be a victim, I'm trying to understand certain things. I Will write more. i wrote this jus right of the top of my head and heart.


                                                                          Jeff McClure (UrbanHybrid)

It's good you're talking about it. It should help.

Clinging to the past isn't usually a good thing - especially when it comes to difficult memories.. but it clearly sounds like you've got memories important to you.. and with the letters you have a link to that past.

Whether or not you should hang on to those memories completely depends on what you plans are going forward - because drowning yourself in the past won't get you far.

For your own benefit, it sounds like you need to focus on something. You keep thinking of the past and you must have mulled over it quite a bit.. whether or not you're able to do anything about it rather than continuously hurting yourself over it is something you need to figure out. If the answer is no - if it's too late - you need to move on. If the answer is yes - stop stalling and push yourself on otherwise you're just increasing the chance of hurting again.

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.

But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you got to be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

                                                                                                                                                                              -Rocky Balboa

just to clarify it i will give an example.
One day you like french fries a lot, but suddenly you don't like it anymore.
so you have to move on to ice cream.

it's just life. you have to forget your  past and move on in the right path.




Remember I'm not telling you this as an EP member, I'm telling this to you as man.
and one more thing this isn't lecture, IT'S an ADVICE.

"Life is a school."

"Things happen for reasons."

When you remove the plague that inflicts Man, better known as,

Narcissism and Vanity......

Only then wee begin to understand how the struggles make us sharper and better.  Having that experience and learning from it make us wise and prepared on how to avoid that same pitfall or you find yourself going through it again.

Keep ya head up.  Wisdom obviously is there cause you're doing more than the average talking about it publicly.  

A narcissistic or vain person couldn't.

Thanks you Guys... I Was never showed nor taught how let go. But the imprint or wounds that have not healed even or time what am i supposed to do? it hurts, and the more it hurts the more angry i feel.

nope.....

xBu Wrote: [ -> ]nope.....

xBu <3