Endless Paradigm

So, last night, I call my girlfriend and she just keeps telling me to talk to another friend of mine. Apparently, when she and he went out to the movies the previous night, they talked about me. She asked if I was unhappy in our relationship, and my friend divulged that I'd mentioned something to that effect. Apparently, she'd also been feeling that way for a while. I haven't even seen her in 3 days, but in that time, she has only texted me like 4 times. They are all so neutral sounding. I haven't cried like this in forever. I knew it was eventually going to happen. But, I was happy at this point. I realize now that it was selfish of me to only be doing what was best for myself and not taking her feelings into account. I have always been a gentleman, always treated her with the utmost respect, but some problems apparently wee just couldn't get past.

I don't enjoy texting at all, and I especially hate talking on the phone. Texting is meant to be for just making an arrangement to meet up later, in my mind. I have multiple peculiar friends who love to send massive random messages, so I just got to where I ignored pretty much all that didnt warrant a response. At the same time, I was still smoking weed, which she was not a fan of. Wee'd had many conversations about it as well as other issues that she had morals about. I'd always ask for her underlying reason for her moral, and it would only anger her further. I did not ever mean to insinuate her beliefs were wrong, only that it is worth looking deeper into one's beliefs and see what they truly hold as a truth, rather than just accepting what they are told.

Perhaps I pushed too far in that regard. As time went on, I realized I had other friends with whom I could talk about deep topics. She was my means of displaying my affection, my means of feeling comfortable. You know? It is just so hard to feel like you aren't wanted. Like you are not what someone wants in their life. Of course, I see that that is an exaggeration, because I have made sure that she would still hang out with me. She just took me out of her relationship on facebook without even letting me know. I had thought wee were going to talk about it tonight, and come to a mutual understanding.

But, I suppose, it is not just about me. I am not responsible for her feelings. I need to be who I am. It a game of comparisons. Do I want to smoke and play games or do I want to go to the mall every other day? Do I give the time to text her every hour, or do I keep my mind focused on whatever work I am doing? What is worth it? There isn't a right answer; it is just an understanding of one's own self. However, I do believe people can change. As the cliche goes, "There is no growth without pain." This is certainly the most pain I've felt in quite a while. I cried for 10 minutes nonstop, and am still crying in bursts today. It really hurts. And I know it shouldn't, because this is just the next step in my life... but it really does hurt.

1 word >> move on!

I am not dishing you,. but its the best advice i can give you,. ;)
and who knows you will meet up again,. :) >> You,.. not playing games&smoking, She,.. still loving you for who you are,...

Yeah, I am definitely going to rearrange my priorities. Kind of got into a routine. At least it is a learning experience for me.

As long as you understand that it just takes time to get over this pain you'll be OK. It does suck I know, but it will get better.

About smoking weed. People that have never done any kind of drugs not including coke, heroin, or other hard drugs are fundamentally different and chances are you will not get along with them in the long run. People that say weed is bad and you shouldn't smoke weed have a different view of the world. I'm not saying they are bad in any way. They just lack the way you are able to view people and the life the same way as you. People that only drink are not in this group, they are in the group that say weed is bad. People that used to smoke will fit in the group you are in.

Also if you find some else but they do not understand your deeper thinking, it will most likely not work out in the long run. Your smart and you will not be happy with someone that doesn't have your kind of intelligence.

I'm not sure if you understand what I mean here, but it is true. Trust me, after many times of love not working out because they lack this understanding I know it to be true. I'm not sure what it is, all I know is some people do not and will never try something as small as weed are different in other ways. I wish I knew what it was, but I have not been able to put my finger on it.

After the pain is gone, and your ready try to find someone. Find someone that at one point in their life has done something like weed, LSD, or other mild drugs. Make sure they didn't over do it though, or else you'll be dealing with a new set of problems. Find someone that enjoys your deep thinking, someone that understands what you think is beautiful. If you find someone that meets that criteria, you'll be happier in the long run.

I hope I'm making a little sense here. Like I said, it's hard to put into words.

you make perfect sense. I am who I am, and it is a matter of deciding what is most important. If I have to change myself drastically to make someone like me, it is not meant to be. But, if it is something that I do not mind changing because I think they are worth it, then it is. That's what it boils down to. Got to be true to yourself. Thanks xero :)

Damn I am sorta going through the same thing..., You guys put it in better perspective of how to move on. "There is no growth without pain," I got to remember that.

Sorry Hellgiver that it took your problem, for me to see my problem. I hope things get better for you.

Vegetano1 Wrote: [ -> ]1 word >> move on!

actually that's 2 words xD

||%^^^

xero1 Wrote: [ -> ]As long as you understand that it just takes time to get over this pain you'll be OK. It does suck I know, but it will get better.

About smoking weed. People that have never done any kind of drugs not including coke, heroin, or other hard drugs are fundamentally different and chances are you will not get along with them in the long run. People that say weed is bad and you shouldn't smoke weed have a different view of the world. I'm not saying they are bad in any way. They just lack the way you are able to view people and the life the same way as you. People that only drink are not in this group, they are in the group that say weed is bad. People that used to smoke will fit in the group you are in.

Also if you find some else but they do not understand your deeper thinking, it will most likely not work out in the long run. Your smart and you will not be happy with someone that doesn't have your kind of intelligence.

I'm not sure if you understand what I mean here, but it is true. Trust me, after many times of love not working out because they lack this understanding I know it to be true. I'm not sure what it is, all I know is some people do not and will never try something as small as weed are different in other ways. I wish I knew what it was, but I have not been able to put my finger on it.

After the pain is gone, and your ready try to find someone. Find someone that at one point in their life has done something like weed, LSD, or other mild drugs. Make sure they didn't over do it though, or else you'll be dealing with a new set of problems. Find someone that enjoys your deep thinking, someone that understands what you think is beautiful. If you find someone that meets that criteria, you'll be happier in the long run.

I hope I'm making a little sense here. Like I said, it's hard to put into words.

This makes perfect sense yes,.. wee should all smoke weed once a week

Hellgiver Wrote: [ -> ]you make perfect sense. I am who I am, and it is a matter of deciding what is most important. If I have to change myself drastically to make someone like me, it is not meant to be. But, if it is something that I do not mind changing because I think they are worth it, then it is. That's what it boils down to. Got to be true to yourself. Thanks xero :)

Smoking weed while playing games won't get you anywhere,.. (unless its for fun and your playing start the party )
You should ask yourself if those deep thoughts are still deep thoughts without smoking weed,...   whot i mean is,. i am not saying they won't be but they might sound different ;) i dunno,. (was a scene i had seen in a movie,.>> "Romeo must Die")

what a pity.....

just move on already..

I don't wish to sound like an insensitive dickbag, but...
Bugger her. And that's not a command to go out and rape or whatever, it's a command to move on.
She effectively backstabbed you when she talked to your friend about you and how you felt. Not saying she cheated or nothing, but if she can't go directly to you to sort out a problem, there's not enough trust.
And if there's no trust, then what the hell are you doing in the relationship?

I can't comment on your habits, being a firm resident of the group which doesn't smoke or drink, but yeah; similar habits + similar interests = some sort of chemistry. Opposites might attract, but so do jet engines and heat-seeking missiles.