Endless Paradigm

Her eyes were puffy and red from crying, the tears never seeming to end. They couldn’t stay dry for more than a few minutes before they began leaking once again.
It still all seemed like a bad dream, but as long as she kept driving, she told herself that she’d eventually wake up and be safe and sound back in her own warm bed—not out here in the middle of nowhere with nobody but her tiny dog Trixә that reminded her so much of some kind of living, breathing chocolate cake from the milk-chocolate fur she was born with, sporting a hint of black and gold here and there. She’s all I have left now, she knew, placing her hand on the dog’s soft fur. It gave her comfort, knowing that she wasn’t truly alone in the world.
Even if this wasn’t a dream she needed to wake up and start anew, so she decided to find a place to pull off the highway to get some sleep in the car. Maybe if she was lucky she would come across a motel or something of the sorts and get a real night’s sleep on a soft, warm bed. But that wasn’t the case, and she didn’t have the strength to drive through whatever town she was in to go in search of better comforts.
So she parked her car on the side of a wide, open road that seemed secluded enough, and tried to get comfortable. She lowered her seat back and let out a sigh, staring at the stars in the sky above, each blinking at her in turn, smiling down on her in a twinkling illusion. She pitied them, as most of those stars were probably dead by now. The light from them were coming from so far away it was nearly impossible to tell whether those stars were alive or dead and gone from the universe. She hoped she’d never find out, and that she’d be able to get at least a few hours of decent sleep and be able to have a fresh start in the morning.
Even now, after all these days, she still wasn’t quite sure where she was headed. Her first destination had been her own sister’s room in their house, so many miles and miles away from her now. But Haleigh hadn’t been there of course, and Ashlea wasn’t sure if she’d ever see her again, or if she was dreaming, or if she was even alive. She had hoped her sister could tell her what was happening, why everyone had up and left without saying a single word to her, but there were no explanations to be had. Maybe it’s better if I don’t know what happened. Maybe it’s better if I just die and sleep forever, to not be a bother to anyone else anymore. I never meant anything to them anyways. Haleigh…what did I do to wrong you so? I miss you and I need you, I need the sister that took care of me and loved me as a sister should have. What can I do to have your forgiveness? I’d do anything, anything at all, if only it meant wee could see eye to eye once more. She doubted she’d ever see her older sister ever again. I only wish to gaze upon your face once more, to hold you in my arms and know that you love me and that I never meant to be the cause of all our suffering.
She then remembered where she was now heading, to the only person left in the world who might still be alive, the only person left to her who might still care for her enough to protect her from this ominous and mysterious new world, a world in which she felt she no longer belonged. This was not her true home, no more than the stars above were. She had no home, she had no family, and she had no more reason to live.
“Austin…”
There was no answer, but her loving dog could tell she was in need of comfort, so she came crawling over to her from the passenger seat to cuddle up on her chest, giving her face a lick. Ashlea laughed, spending the next few moments playing with her dog in the darkness of the night. All else was forgotten but for the small amount of joy that playing with Trixә brought her, but just like everything else in her life, that was soon at an end.
Soon there was only silence, as even her dog had grown tired and was now snoring softly, curled up in a ball on her chest. She didn’t want to move the dog and wake her up, so she decided to try and get some sleep herself. She dried the last of her tears away on the back of her sleeve, gave a long, drawn-out sigh, and finally drifted off to sleep.
It seemed like only moments later before she was suddenly awake once more, fearing for her life. The people outside of her car didn’t look very friendly, and the way the man closest to her was smiling down at her—his teeth gleaming in the moonlight—made her skin run cold with goose bumps. Even her dog was afraid, as she was awake now and barking at the strangers surrounding the car, growling at them if they came too close to the window. Ashlea tried to comfort her, placing her hand on the dog’s hindquarters, to which the dog responded by sitting down on her haunches, regarding her with shiny black eyes.
Ashlea wasn’t sure if she or her dog were more afraid of these people outside the car, but she wasn’t about to let them in. They were adults, and she had no idea where they had come from or how they were still here when everyone else had vanished. She rolled down her window a crack, just enough for her voice to be heard outside. “What do you want?” She looked around at all of them about her car, counting eleven of them in total; three on each side, three behind her and two more climbing up onto her hood holding baseball bats. But then she saw another man, standing a good ten feet behind the two men on top of her car, a tall slender figure covered in shadows, barely visible in the dark of night. She wasn’t sure if he was with the men that were making her more and more nervous by the second, but they seemed not to pay him any mind. “Leave me alone!”
“No can do, honey,” one man by her window told her, pressing his hands against the glass so hard that she thought it might break and expose her to their reach. She didn’t think she wanted to know what they had in store for her.
The man to his right laughed. “Hey Dan, look how pretty she is. Too bad I’m the one who’ll be fudgeing her sweet little mouth.”
The man in the middle pulled his hands away from the glass to get a better look at her. “That’s alright, Adam. I’m sure her pussy’s still tight; she’s a young little thing. I’ll have my fun with her.”
Trixә couldn’t sit still anymore. She bounded over to the window and tried snapping at their faces, but the glass was in her way, leaving her with nothing but barks to try to scare them off. That was just as helpful as if Ashlea herself tried barking at them. Ashlea looked for the man who was standing off by himself in front of her car, but he could no longer be seen, and she didn’t think he would have been of any help to her either way. The dog kept barking and growling and scratching at the window, trying to get out to attack the men and protect her master. But then Ashlea saw what Trixә might have really been barking at—the man who had been hidden by shadows was there once again, this time behind the three men knocking on her door, trying to coax her out. She placed her hand on the window and whispered, “Help me.”
All of the men surrounding her car were laughing hysterically now, jumping up and down on the hood and slamming their bats on the roof, or standing on the rear fender to rock it up  and down while the six men on either side of her stood watching her every move. There was nothing she could do but roll up her window and prepare to drive away as quickly as she could. The keys were still in the ignition, but as she made to grab for them her window shattered, spraying glass at the side of her face. She gave a quick scream and forced her head down, but there were hands reaching in and taking a hold of her shoulder, another one fumbling at the lock. It would only be a few seconds before they dragged her out of the car and raped her, or so she expected.
Now she knew this had to be a nightmare, as nothing this horrible could ever happen to anyone, especially not her. She still had her seatbelt on, so it was that much more trouble for the men pulling her door open to get her out.
“Your all mine now, bitch!” someone shouted, and she saw the flash of metal reflecting the light of the moon as a knife was drawn, cutting the seatbelt that was the last thing protecting her from these vile human beings. “And no biting, ‘less you want to lose a few teeth.”
“Get away!” Ashlea screamed, throwing herself away from them, and she tumbled out of the car and to the ground. Trixә leapt out of the car after Ashlea, barking at the men all around her, but someone came over and gave the dog a hard kick, sending her flying across the ground. She didn’t bark after that and lay still on the ground. Everything seemed to be happening so fast, and yet she must have been laying there for years as all the men gathered around her, holding their baseball bats against their shoulders or cracking their knuckles. One of them was even unbuckling his belt. God, please, no…please, wake up. Wake up Ashlea…wake up!
“Wake up, bitch!” one of them said, giving her a kick in the ribs. She rolled over onto her side, holding her stomach, the tears pouring down her face once again. “I want you to be awake for this.”
“She is awake,” a new voice added to the group, this one quiet and calm. “And she has everything to live for.”
“Who the hell are you?” someone asked in a growl of a voice, and she was sure she heard the sound of a switchblade being flipped open. She would have turned to look but her stomach pained her too much to even move. It was a wonder she could even comprehend what was happening around her.
“What my name is should not concern you,” this new man told them. All Ashlea knew was that she was grateful for whoever was trying to help her. This is no hallucination, she then knew. This is no nightmare. My reality is my nightmare, my nightmares are my hell, and this hell is my home.
“Get the fudge out of here, freak. This doesn’t concern you.”
“If you mean to hurt the girl then I cannot allow you to do so. And by all means, you can try and stop me.”
The man laughed, and Ashlea heard him pull his pants back up and buckle his belt. Ashlea found the strength to sit up just in time to watch as the man spat full in her savior’s face. Her rescuer, still half-hidden in shadow, brought his hand up to his face and wiped the spit away, then studied his hand as if he’d never seen such a thing before. He opened his mouth to speak, his mouth spread into a sudden grin, but then he groaned in pain as something began to hiss, smoke rising from his face and hand where he had wiped the spit away.
Her savior stumbled backwards a few feet, dark red liquid slowly dripping from his hand and the side of his face. He wiped it away with his clean hand, throwing the dark blood all over the ground.
The other men who had been tormenting her had seemed afraid of what was happening, as they had all taken a step backwards, away from the man who had tried to save her. The man named Dan who had been set on raping her stood his ground though, stepping as close to her rescuer as he dared. “And now the truth is revealed," he said, taking something out of his pocket. For a moment Ashlea thought it was a gun, but the man only put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it with a lighter, then placed it back in his pocket. He let out a stream of smoke, but strangely it was as bright and red as blood instead of the usual grey smoke usually was. He looked around at his friends who were all slowly inching back behind him. “Don’t be afraid now, boys. It’s only Gill come to teach us a lesson. And what a pleasant surprise this must be for him.”
Ashlea looked with the rest to her savior, Gill, who was now holding his face in his hands, choking back a scream. “I…had a…feeling…that you’d…be here.”
“Well,” Dan said, letting out another stream of red smoke. Ashlea wondered if it was some sort of new cigarette brand, but how could that be when everyone in the world was gone but for kids her age? Maybe he made it himself? She couldn’t tell. “It looks like wee’ve finally done a little damage to poor little Gill here. Does it hurt, Gill? Should wee cower in fear of your wife? I’ve heard from Volund himself that her wrath can very…annoying.”
“Do not underestimate her,” Gill said, standing up straight. He planted his feet against the ground to keep himself balanced, and then with his right arm he took ahold of his left, and with all his might, he pulled.
Ashlea screamed, and Gill’s arm fell to the ground, black blood dripping from his shoulder and the end of his removed arm. The fingers were twitching, still steaming in the cold night air, still fighting to be alive. When she looked back at Gill, his arm had been replaced with a brand new one that must have just grown out of his shoulder in an instant.
Everyone else had shrunken back in fear once again, all of them standing even behind Ashlea herself, but they paid her no mind. They were all either eyeing Gill or Dan, wondering what was going to happen next. “Well, well,” Dan said, throwing his cigarette to the ground in anger. “Learned some new tricks, have wee?” He was watching Gill’s every move, standing lightly on the balls of his feet, ready to move in a moment’s notice. Gill glanced at Ashlea, but it was enough for Dan to notice. He turned around and looked her dead in the face, giving her a look that promised she would be dealt with later, and then turned back to face Gill. “What’s so special about her, Gill? Wee know you’ve been protecting her for a reason.”
“Nothing,” Gill said at once, but his breaths were coming in ragged gasps as he held his newly grown arm. “She’s innocent, that’s why I’ve come to protect her.”
“There’s no point in lying to me,” Dan said. “I can smell your lies as easily as a fly can smell spoon. You’ve been following her since wee started this war, and now you’ve led us right to her.” He paused only for a moment. “Wee’re going to kill her, Gill, whether you tell us why she’s been under your protection or not. And you will not stop me from having my way with her first.”
Gill was staring at Dan with narrowed eyes, his breath steadily growing slower as he began to regain his calm. He looked at Ashlea once more and spoke to her, his lips unmoving.
What? Ashlea thought, wondering if she was imagining his words.
Prepare yourself, Gill told her inside of her head.
For what? she wondered back, and something in the back of her mind told her to stand up. She did just that.
“For this,” Gill said, and suddenly he was gone. Then as quick as that he was there by her side, holding her arm with his new hand that was slick with blood and what she believed to be sweat. The next thing she knew, she was standing next to Gill where he had been in the first place, facing Dan and his group of friends.
“Impressive,” Dan said, but he seemed bored. Gill was still holding Ashlea by the arm, so he pulled her behind him, trying to keep her protected. She had to stand on her tip-toes to see over Gill’s shoulder. “But let’s face it; you’re no match for all of us.”
Ashlea found some hidden courage deep down inside of her suddenly, most likely from the fact that Gill was there to protect her. “You kicked my dog, you bastard!”
“Shut your bloody mouth, girl,” Dan said with a growl. “You’re next.”
“You and what army?” Ashlea taunted.
Dan didn’t seem to understand, but then he turned around. He was all alone, as the rest of his group had melted off into the shadows. “Cowards,” he muttered, turning back to face them. He inclined his head towards Gill in defeat. “Very well,” he said at last, his breath steaming in the cold air. “Take the fudgeing girl. Wee’ll see how long you can protect her once Volund here’s of this.” And then he was gone, disappeared as fast as Gill had.
Gill almost collapsed then, but Ashlea helped him keep his feet. She almost had to drag him back to her car, but she managed to get him into the passenger seat. Then she remembered Trixә and ran around the car to her dog who lay motionless on the ground. No, she thought miserably, scooping up the ball of soft fur in her arms, cradling her body.
Bring her here.
She was still trying to get used to the idea of someone talking to her in her mind, but she did as she was told and brought the dog with her to Gill. He took Trixә and held the dog in his lap, running his hand up and down her body. After a few moments he stopped, letting out a sigh. “You will have to do it,” he told Ashlea.
“Do what?” she wondered. Trixә was dead; there was nothing either of them could do.
“Come closer,” he told her. Slowly she moved as close as she could to him and he placed a hand on her forehead.
She wanted to die then. She felt like her head was about to explode, like her brain was being scrambled around like some cracked eggs. Her mind was twisting up and down and over against itself, and all she could see was white. It reminded her somehow of being born, and yet she felt like she was dying. She wanted to cry out in pain, but the realization came soon afterwards that she had no mouth to scream with, no eyes to cry with, and no body to feel with. She was floating in a sea of white, and all around her everything was moving, shifting around and changing the air that she used to breath with her body, giving her life. There was no life to give, as she was life, personified.
And then she was back again, looking Gill in the eyes. They were blue and as beautiful as the most precious jewels she had ever imagined, but there was pain and suffering hidden deep within them, accompanied with none other than sadness. It wasn’t until then that she realized what she was seeing.
“What’s happening?” she asked, suddenly growing fearful again. For a moment she thought she was blind, but that couldn’t be possible—Gill was there right in front of her for all to see. Except his body was lacking any substance, it was as if he had been drawn into reality and painted blue, with no face or extra features to speak. She knew then that she was looking at his aura, and what really made him who and what he truly was. Excitedly she looked down at herself, only to be disappointed at what she found. Her body was blue, just like Gill’s, but it was exceptionally less bright and beautiful as his was.
“Don’t worry,” Gill told her, his blue hand reaching out for her, “you’re not the only one who’s been disappointed. Mine isn’t as perfect as you’d think.”
“It looks pretty close to me,” Ashlea said to him uneasily. She felt odd talking to this stranger who had just saved her, but she felt a connection to him, and she wanted to help him in return. “What does it signify?”
“What, the colors?” Gill asked, coughing. “Blue is the color of all things good, of love and beauty and laughter…mine is the second brightest in all of existence.”
“Whose is the brightest?”
“My wife’s,” Gill told her flatly, trying to sit up in his seat, but he was still in pain. Everything on his body was the truest and brightest blue she had ever seen, but there were a few smears of something darker on his head, where his face would have been. Taking a closer look, she saw that a bit of red pulsating with life on his face, and it seemed to be the source of his pain. She reached out, trying to get rid of it somehow, but Gill pushed her hand away. “Don’t touch that,” he said.
Ashlea listened, dropping her hand to her side. “Who is your wife?”
Gill sighed. “If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me. Besides, I’m sure you will meet her someday.” He pointed at the dog still on his lap. “Take care of what needs to be done,” he said. “You will know what to do.”
Ashlea took the blue dog in her arms, wondering if she’d ever see the world normally ever again. Something in her mind told her that the way she was seeing things was the natural way of the world, and that the old way of seeing was a less complicated and easier way of sustaining life. While she had been pondering that over, Ashlea had been staring at her dog without realizing it, and when she came to she almost gasped. She was looking inside her dog’s body, winding her way through the fur and flesh and veins and blood to the heart, and she knew that if she so willed it she could breathe life into her dog once again.
Afterwards, she placed Trixә in the backseat amongst her belongings, and then Gill showed her how to switch back to her natural way of seeing the world. She got into the driver’s seat after cleaning as much of the broken glass out that she could, then asked Gill where he was headed.
“Wherever you are, sweet girl.” He was still in pain, holding his right hand against his forehead. His other hand he held in the air, studying it nonstop. She didn’t bother to ask him why.
“Does it hurt?”
“Yes,” he said, but he was smiling. “But pain is nothing but a thing.”