Endless Paradigm

"And there I was at my desk., no lights on and it was an array of white, grey, charcoal clouds that seemed to be more excited about every second than I was, you know it seemed somewhat depressing to see the weather enjoying life more than me so I thought the logical thing to do was to get away from it, so, I shut it out."

"Its almost completely dark in my room now, only the light getting through the window and illuminating the curtains remain and now I feel a little, safer.
I just need to calm down, have a straight face on and clear my mind of thoughts so I can go through with it."

"Lets see, I saw it on NND and besides I guess its not exactly rocket science, I just cut it open.
Wait.. I won't go instantly though so its going to.. well I'll watch myself bleed to death.
But it what I wanted so I guess being picky is the last thing that should be on my mind."

"God I miss those days... those days I could wake up knowing the day will go just fine.
Why did I end up here... just because.. just because"

He couldnt notice his body. He didn't need to.
He sat there in the chair, numb, head in hands; salty water dropping from above to give the steel a grace of insanity required to put him through the clench of the teeth, unstoppable pain, pure disbelief and unwanting acceptance of fate.

"I'm done."

One of his hands fell to the table to search for the key...

"What the fudge,, where is it"

He rubbed the blur out of his eyes and only the small pool of regret and the bright reflection of light on the table remained.

He quickly pushed his chair back with a desperate push of his feet and in a moment that did defy his subconscious predictions... his heart pushed forward has the rest of him helplessly fell with fear onto the carpet of his room.

He simply could not get up. He was petrified.

"None of this should be happening."

His heart stopped.

A great feeling overwhelmed him.

He knew.. he felt...