Endless Paradigm

So in my book a character is in a car crash and goes into a coma. This is what happens while he's under, just want to know if it's too confusing being written in 2nd person point of view.

        Your dreams were horrible, sickeningly frightening nightmares, and yet still you felt as if you deserved everything coming at you. There was a man laughing in your face as something began tearing you limb from limb, and you were screaming in agony the entire time; this seemed to last for a millennium and you couldn’t do anything in your power to make it go away. You were trapped in darkness, the laughing swirling around your pitiful being, filling your lungs like a poison, making you gag and wish for the end to come.

“I want to die!” you longed to scream, and you did just that, only it was inside your head, tumbling through your subconscious mind that lingered so close to death. Stumbling around in the darkness you felt your face, finding yourself to have no mouth. Your heart quickening with extreme fear, you ran in any direction you could, but there was nothing but darkness awaiting you, swallowing you down.
        It was only then that you realized the laughing could no longer be heard, and you thought long and hard on who it could have been that would want to mock you, and why they would even do such a cruel thing when you were in such a state.

Where am I? you asked yourself, and the darkness howled at you in anger, although there was no sound to be heard. Am I dead?

No one answered you, and your eyes refused to see anything but darkness, so you finally gave up and fell to the ground, if that was even what it was underneath you, and then you laid still for quite some time.

After a few long moments – no…it’s been hours now, you thought, lost beyond a doubt – you tried to think things over. Or has it been longer than that? Has it been days? Months? Years?

You could no longer take the agony you were in, and using all of your willpower you opened your mouth and screamed, “Kill me!”

Then the laughing returned and once more you were being pulled apart, your arms and legs were being torn off, your throat was being cut, and your eyes were gouged out. To top it all off, your tongue was being twisted and torn out, only to hang pathetically from your lips, and finally the laughing man gave his voice to the darkness. “Enough!” he shouted, and you realized your body was still intact. The pain you were feeling was merely an illusion, something to keep your mind here in this place, this torture chamber, this Hell.

“Please,” you begged, the tears pouring down your cheeks and disappearing into the darkness. “Please kill me. Make it end.”

“But you’re already dead,” the voice told you.

It isn't confusing >_>

Senseito7 Wrote:It isn't confusing >_>

Well I forgot to mention that the POV changes in the middle of the chapter, here's the paragraph right before the 2nd person POV:

When he came to, he was lying in a stretcher, and three figures were pushing him away from the wreckage, most likely bringing him to an ambulance. It felt like he had broken his neck, but he could still move it around, although it caused extreme pain when he did so. He blinked a few times, trying to make his blurry vision clear, and when it did he gasped, horrified. The three paramedics seemed to have no faces, but when he blinked and looked again, they looked like normal men. Now they lifted up his stretcher and carefully shoved him into the back of the ambulance. Two men scrambled inside with him, while the third stayed behind to shut the door, then he hurriedly ran around to get into the driver’s seat. He flipped on the siren and accelerated the ambulance with a jerk, making Parrish’s insides roil. Turning on his side, he leaned his head over the stretcher and let it all out, his vomit splashing on the floor.

“Ugh,” one of the paramedics said, pulling his feet away from the puddle of vomit.

“Sorry,” Parrish managed to mutter, but then he said, “My book, where’s my book?”

“Wee have it,” another man said. “But you need your rest; you can read when you get to the hospital.”

That was the last thing Detective Parrish heard before he blacked out.


And here's right after the 2nd person POV:

When he came to once more, he was lying in a hospital bed. He looked around the room but no one was inside but himself, and after searching for a few minutes he found his book next to him on the bedside table. Something was drawing him to it, something in the back of his head was telling him that he must read it.

I don't know if that makes the chapter confusing or not.

theEvilOne Wrote:

Senseito7 Wrote:It isn't confusing >_>

Well I forgot to mention that the POV changes in the middle of the chapter, here's the paragraph right before the 2nd person POV:

When he came to, he was lying in a stretcher, and three figures were pushing him away from the wreckage, most likely bringing him to an ambulance. It felt like he had broken his neck, but he could still move it around, although it caused extreme pain when he did so. He blinked a few times, trying to make his blurry vision clear, and when it did he gasped, horrified. The three paramedics seemed to have no faces, but when he blinked and looked again, they looked like normal men. Now they lifted up his stretcher and carefully shoved him into the back of the ambulance. Two men scrambled inside with him, while the third stayed behind to shut the door, then he hurriedly ran around to get into the driver’s seat. He flipped on the siren and accelerated the ambulance with a jerk, making Parrish’s insides roil. Turning on his side, he leaned his head over the stretcher and let it all out, his vomit splashing on the floor.

“Ugh,” one of the paramedics said, pulling his feet away from the puddle of vomit.

“Sorry,” Parrish managed to mutter, but then he said, “My book, where’s my book?”

“Wee have it,” another man said. “But you need your rest; you can read when you get to the hospital.”

That was the last thing Detective Parrish heard before he blacked out.


And here's right after the 2nd person POV:

When he came to once more, he was lying in a hospital bed. He looked around the room but no one was inside but himself, and after searching for a few minutes he found his book next to him on the bedside table. Something was drawing him to it, something in the back of his head was telling him that he must read it.

I don't know if that makes the chapter confusing or not.

Well it doesn't make sense now.. is he reading the book or is this his thoughts?

i.e. if I was reading a book and the character said "I" I would think "your".

EDIT: Even then, if it has anything to do with the book, portraying it in that fashion doesn't really work.

Senseito7 Wrote:

theEvilOne Wrote:

Senseito7 Wrote:It isn't confusing >_>

Well I forgot to mention that the POV changes in the middle of the chapter, here's the paragraph right before the 2nd person POV:

When he came to, he was lying in a stretcher, and three figures were pushing him away from the wreckage, most likely bringing him to an ambulance. It felt like he had broken his neck, but he could still move it around, although it caused extreme pain when he did so. He blinked a few times, trying to make his blurry vision clear, and when it did he gasped, horrified. The three paramedics seemed to have no faces, but when he blinked and looked again, they looked like normal men. Now they lifted up his stretcher and carefully shoved him into the back of the ambulance. Two men scrambled inside with him, while the third stayed behind to shut the door, then he hurriedly ran around to get into the driver’s seat. He flipped on the siren and accelerated the ambulance with a jerk, making Parrish’s insides roil. Turning on his side, he leaned his head over the stretcher and let it all out, his vomit splashing on the floor.

“Ugh,” one of the paramedics said, pulling his feet away from the puddle of vomit.

“Sorry,” Parrish managed to mutter, but then he said, “My book, where’s my book?”

“Wee have it,” another man said. “But you need your rest; you can read when you get to the hospital.”

That was the last thing Detective Parrish heard before he blacked out.


And here's right after the 2nd person POV:

When he came to once more, he was lying in a hospital bed. He looked around the room but no one was inside but himself, and after searching for a few minutes he found his book next to him on the bedside table. Something was drawing him to it, something in the back of his head was telling him that he must read it.

I don't know if that makes the chapter confusing or not.

Well it doesn't make sense now.. is he reading the book or is this his thoughts?

i.e. if I was reading a book and the character said "I" I would think "your".

EDIT: Even then, if it has anything to do with the book, portraying it in that fashion doesn't really work.

Ok well the part before the 2nd person POV is right after the character gets in the car crash, and that part is all 3rd person POV. He wakes up in the ambulance and asks for his book. He goes unconscious again, this time into a coma, and then the 2nd person POV goes into affect, it's sort of like a dream. Then he wakes from the dream (not remembering any of it) and he finds himself in the hospital, and now its back to 3rd person again. He finds his book and begins to read it. The book is more of a diary, but he doesn't know it yet.

I think that's a pretty cool idea, but it could get confusing if you don't know what's happening.

I stopped reading after "sickeningly", hurts my mouth. ;o

ouch! my eyes!  
its like reading war of the worlds in English! (@_@)

There seems to be more to this

Im assuming your trying to get an abjective reply without ruining the plot of the story, even though it would probably fit in context?


Either way, a line of *'s either side is an accepted way of doing interludes in situations such as out of body experiences or foresight style dreams, which this appears to be?

roberth Wrote:There seems to be more to this

Im assuming your trying to get an abjective reply without ruining the plot of the story, even though it would probably fit in context?


Either way, a line of *'s either side is an accepted way of doing interludes in situations such as out of body experiences or foresight style dreams, which this appears to be?

I don't think I quite understand what you mean about the *'s, can you use an example?