Endless Paradigm

"I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an 'Escalator Temporarily Out of Order' sign, only 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience.'" - Mitch Hedberg

I'm not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "Fore", but I was too busy mumbling "There ain't no way that's gonna hit him." What's the par for hitting a guy? One. If you hit a guy in two, you are an asshole. - Mitch Hedberg

On a traffic light red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go. But on a banana it's the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead and red means "Where the fudge did you get that banana at?" - Mitch Hedberg

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. - Mitch Hedberg

This shirt is "dry-clean only," which means it's dirty. - Mitch Hedberg

I bought myself a parrot; the parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry," so it died. - Mitch Hedberg

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-size bed, wondering where my brother was. - Mitch Hedberg

I like when you reach into the vending machine to grab your candy bar, that flaps goes up to block you from reaching up. That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "What candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!" - Mitch Hedberg

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait." - Mitch Hedberg

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the fudgeer gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the fudgeer gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it"! - Mitch Hedberg

Liquid Wrote:I'm not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "Fore", but I was too busy mumbling "There ain't no way that's gonna hit him." What's the par for hitting a guy? One. If you hit a guy in two, you are an asshole. - Mitch Hedberg

oh man, he was so funny.
what's the saying? the brightest stars burn out the quickest?
poor mitch, never got to see him.

one a lighter note, one time when i was like 10 years old or something, i was practicing hitting golf balls in my back yard. being young and stupid, i hit the ball into the back of the yard, and then went to the back of the yard to hit it toward the front of the yard. my mom walked out of the house to take some trash out about a half a second after i hit the ball back toward the house; it came down and nailed her straight in the chest. i ran over to her as she sat down on the steps outside our back door and she was wheezing like crazy, but after a few minutes she was ok. there's no way I'll ever forget that day.
i still think that was the best connection ive ever made with a golf ball :]

edit: my contribution to the quotes: "No. Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise." - Rorschach

Haha, nice Mitch Hedberg quotes Liquid.

Thanks eggroll :)

lol cool :D maybe you can remove some old ones too
or can you set priority?

Can't set priority, lol...

Hmm, you can remove the old ones if you want Ge64.

Never judge a person by your last encounter,...!

Judge a person by every encounter you've had with them.....!

every morning when i go to the ferry theres a coffee thing which has a wise quote every day ill see if i can remember them

hehe you should add


Yo Yo Balls ????

bash.org Wrote:<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i hershey kisses surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot  xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.

<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

meheheh