Endless Paradigm

I am really bored right now so I decided to make this thread. Post any kind of joke. It can be your own or from somewhere else (from a friend, tv, internet, etc.). Let's see how many jokes people have!

I'll go first of course.
Ok there was this hawaiian, haole (white person), and filipino at the bar.
they were drinking and was getting drunk and the haole guy started
yelling T G I F, T G I F and the filipino guy asked why are you yelling T G I F for?
becasue it means thank god its friday. and the hawaiian guy yells  S H I T, S H I T and
the filipno guy asks why are you yelling S H I T
then the hwaiian said cause it means stupid haole its thursday

Sorry if this joke offended you!

A slice of pizza walks into a bar and asks for a pint

Barman says sorry, wee don't serve food

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a white horse walks into a pub and walks up to the bar

Barman says "Hey, wee have a wee've got an ale named after you
Horse replies "what, nigel?"

i dunno if non Brits, or even some brits i guess will get that, but White horse brewery

A straight man walks into a gay bar and he is confronted by two homosexuals asking what he names his penis. The man answers, "Secret, strong for a man, made for a woman."

1.) Q:) How do you catch a unique rabbit? A:) Unique up on it.

2.) Q:) What's the diff between a Porcupine and a Mercedes-Benz? A:) On the Mercedes-Benz, the pricks are on the inside.

3.) Q:) What's the diff between a Lesbian and a Wheat Thin? A:) One's a snack cracker and one's a crack snacker.

how many men does it take to paper a wall? 3 if you slice them thinly enough.

how many irish (sorry J'adore) men does it take to chane a light bulb? 100, 1 to hold the lightbulb and 99 to turn the house.

2 guys sitting at a bar at the top of the empire state building. one says to the other, 'if you drink this magic beer it will make you fly.' the other guy replies, 'i don't believe you, prove it.' so he grabs the beer, slugs it down, jumps out the window, flies 3 times around the building and back through the window. 'NICE! barman, give me some of this magic beer!' shots the man. he then proceeds to slug it down and then jumps out the window and falls to his death. the barman turns to the first guy and says, ' you can be a real donkey when you're pissed, superman'

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking (as you do), and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and wee don't even have a freezer to keep it in."

The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every toime oi tink of it," he chuckles. "Moy woife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. Oy watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!"
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Paddy wins a load of money on the pools. He asks his mate Murphy if he fancies going on the piss in London with him.

Well they arrive in London at this huge hotel. They're put up on the 10th floor. Off they trot on the piss and get back to the hotel about 2 o'clock in the morning. Paddy decides he wants to go for a swim.

Murphy is a bit miffed and asks "where the bloody hell can you go swimming at this time"

Paddy says " Wee can go in the Thames in our skiddies (underpants)"

Paddy then looks out onto his balcony and sees it's been raining; looking down at the shimmering road he shouts to Murphy "Oi -- the Thames is down here -- look!!!"

At that Murphy rips his clothes off revealing his Y-fronts sprints onto the balcony and dives off. SPLAT!! Straight into the road below.

After about five minutes he manages to pick himself up and shouts up to Paddy who's about to dive off the balcony. "Move over to the left a bit, this is the shallow end 'ere!!!"
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An Irishman goes to a carpenter. "Can you build me a box that's two inches deep, two inches wide and 50 feet long?"

"Well," says the carpenter, "it could be done, I suppose, but what would you want with a box like that?"

"Well'" said the Irishman, "my neighbour moved away and forgot to take a few things with him -- and he asked me to send him his garden hose."

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (As he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes,
father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he pumped me fast and furious..."
Priest: The priest pumps her fast and says "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "Ahh... That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Q: What goes black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?

A: A nun falling down stairs.

One blond yells across a river to another blond, "how do I get to the other side?"
the other blond yells back "you are on the other side!".


LOL