Endless Paradigm

Lately I've had like 0 inspiration for signatures, and I've been really bitchy, like everything bothers me. I decided its better to stay away from peoples for a while because i get real fucked up when im bitchy, so i don't want to lose anything right now.

I feel like shit everyday and i thought it wasn't enough sleep so i started sleeping almost twice as mych, but i just feel worse. Right now i really don't care about anything, today i was about to punch my dad because he was mocking me :dotdodot:  I did something im not proud of, but i stopped and i still feel like shit, i feel like no matter hat i do it doesn't make a difference, like i can't be satisfied.

I need to do something about it because things are just getting worse, but i don't know why im like this, i mean everything is pretty much the same, i guess maybe im just tired of this life, i want to fucking grow up. i want some fucking freedom, i just need to change. Ive been ok until like three days ago, i just woke up thinking what the fuck is the point of getting up??? All i do is stay at home, watch tv, get on the computer, work out until i pass out, and repeat. I also noticed that now i prefer my emoish songs over the hiphop ones, although ive always liked both.

I think i broke my hand because i was trying to punch this guy, but he moved so i punched the wall and like busted my knuckles, now i can't open the hand, have to type with my left hand. Im gonna go for him as soon as i can open my stupid hand. fudge youck

If you don't want to read all that, I feel like spoon.

Just ranting, nothing important.

I wish I had a "no matter hat" It might be hard to keep it from touching regular matter and breaking down.

I have realized this a long time ago and by now people just call me depressed. Besides don't try and get that guy, you're just wasting your time.

I like to think of it like this, The only thing in your life that's going to count for spoon is how you lived, so try to have as much fun and enjoy yourself. Put your life toward something you want for a change, instead of something for other people.


also I'm holding the phone with my left hand so I have to type one handed too. I know, not the same, but lucky for me one of my useless skills is typing one handed.

My avvy sums up pretty much how i feel. Therr arent many people who like me because i don't really fit in any group, and i want to get that gut because he took my moms necklace, i can type one handed with my right hand, just not left hand :/

i am some ehat depressed, but that's normal, just not "grr im emo i cut" :/

it happens... sometimes you just want to freak out (not "have fun" freak out).. just lay back do nothing or something that relaxes you (like watching a lite anime)... things will be cool!

In time like this I usually lay down staring at the ceiling and think.

Then I come up with questions post them on a forum and get yelled at for "spamming"



but that doesn't mean you have to do the same thing I do. Most people do something to distract them from the real of the "real" world. Some play sports some hang out with friends; me, I think.

Slushba132 Wrote:In time like this I usually lay down staring at the ceiling and think.

Then I come up with questions post them on a forum and get yelled at for "spamming"



but that doesn't mean you have to do the same thing I do. Most people do something to distract them from the real of the "real" world. Some play sports some hang out with friends; me, I think.

i did exactly that and was about to post a thread, about to press the button, but then i thought about my good friend slushie and how his thoughts were always put down D: im not like most people, i have very little friends, and no freedom, also i think so differently than "most" people

I usually think about not posting it because it won't really matter or make a difference, but then I remember I am a self centered bastard who likes to garter attention.


then again sometimes I don't post but those are the threads you don't see or hear about. Those threads only exist in my mind denied of existence by some cruel god

Slushba132 Wrote:I usually think about not posting it because it won't really matter or make a difference, but then I remember I am a self centered bastard who likes to garter attention.

Ive never liked attention, i like living life slipping through cracks, only getting noticed when i want something, also my thoughts escape me a lot

also nothing you really do makes a difference on a big scale, but it does affect people differently

In public I try not to gather attention because I then I get nervouse and it goes down hill but I guess all I really want is one person that always pays attention me. I guess that's why I look for a love in life.

Slushba132 Wrote:In public I try not to gather attention because I then I get nervouse and it goes down hill but I guess all I really want is one person that always pays attention me. I guess that's why I look for a love in life.

One persons attention does wonders, especially if they're actually paying attention, i don't how i would be without my love :??? i wonder how my life would be differently with many things :??